Reflection

Look at me
I will never pass for a perfect bride
Or a perfect daughter
Can it be
I'm not meant to play this part?
Now I see
That if I were truly to be myself
I would break my fam'ly's heart
Who is that girl I see
Staring straight
Back at me?
Why is my reflection someone
I don't know?
Somehow I cannot hide
Who I am
Though I've tried
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside?
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside?



Hmm, this is one of my fav disney songs and it has been on my mind since I am reflecting about my life and what I should do about it.

Again and again, Im so confused and I am not sure what's my next step. Or I shall say I do not dare to take the action as I ought to. Despite many advises from friends who care, I'm stil holding on unto someth that doesnt belong to me.
Do I need to short change myself and put myself lower than any scum on earth? Can I accept the changes if I go ahead with my decision? I dont know.

Actually, I wish I have another option, another way out. At the moment I cant think of any but to retrieve, to step back. To entangled myself from the emotion web that I've caught myself into, I need a way out. I dunno how, would I just stay entangled and being eaten by big black Spidey? Or would i rather cut myself from the web and fall deep unto watever is down there.. I dunno...Yet, at this moment, I'm willing to do anyth drastic....As I am in deep pain....yes....a hurt taht not many can identify.........

Sigh...I wish I would not have to take the path that my mind is nagging me to take. I told myself, wait, its not time yet..Wait...a little more...just a little more...Just a little more ....

The more I waited, the more entangled I am in this web.....The more I struggle, the more I am entangled. All I want to do now, is just to be still..and think...
Wat's the next step...U see I'm contradicting myself again........Sigh...Just a little more time...

Do keep me in your prayers..I need it.....................