Slept early

I have been sleeping rather early these days cos there is nothing to do and I've been feeling weak. WEll, took a swim last nite and had the whole pool to myself as it was around 8pm. It was a great place to soothe and relax my body and mind. Then, took a long shower and started changing channels of the tv set. There is nothing worth watching these days moreover I dont have ASTRO. ARgh....

Anyway, mum called and ask whether I will be going home this weekend. She doesn't know that working in d(h)ell means you will need to work on a Public hol. Sigh sigh. I hope to be bakc this weekend. I'm not sure. Hmmm, let's just hope I can go back soon.

WEll, I'm having the pulling feeling on my head again. Sigh sigh..I'm not sure whether its the inconsistency of my working hours, staring at the pc too long or listening on the headphone for 9 hours. I really need to find out as I dun want my headache to get worst.

My Big Boss just came..MD of DEll...hehhehee....Dun care la .... And I heard it's raining heavy outside..:) yeah yeah...Hope by the time I go back, it will be dry already..So I wont need to get wet.

Got soaked in da rain

Weather: Cold all day long ( d(h)ell Igloo )

I slept real early last nite as I was not feeling well. I'm not sure what's been going on with me. Been so sick....Either kena jangkit frm Shakila....(lol) or simply I'm over exhausted with work. Been having this funny headache which comes and goes and I just dont want to take any medication as I dont want to be addicted to Panadols.

Hmm, waking at 5.10 am in the morning has been a norm even though I still find it difficult to wake up and drag myself outta the bed. Yucky. Tevan called me at 5.15am and I heard the thunder. I quickly washed up and rushed out of the house hoping to miss the rain. Well, I was really praying that God will hold the rain, as I was just 5 minutes away from Dell, the rain was pouring and there was no point to stop. I was wet and it was freezing cold to walk into the office. To my dismay, the rain stopped just before I reach my office.....

What else to write? Oh yeah, cant wait to go home on 21 May. been away for more than 3 months or more..I think this is the longest since I've not been home. Actually, I do not know who is reading my blog and I am sure its just a handful of people..Well...what the heck........

I am feeling SICK again................................

Reflection

Look at me
I will never pass for a perfect bride
Or a perfect daughter
Can it be
I'm not meant to play this part?
Now I see
That if I were truly to be myself
I would break my fam'ly's heart
Who is that girl I see
Staring straight
Back at me?
Why is my reflection someone
I don't know?
Somehow I cannot hide
Who I am
Though I've tried
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside?
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside?



Hmm, this is one of my fav disney songs and it has been on my mind since I am reflecting about my life and what I should do about it.

Again and again, Im so confused and I am not sure what's my next step. Or I shall say I do not dare to take the action as I ought to. Despite many advises from friends who care, I'm stil holding on unto someth that doesnt belong to me.
Do I need to short change myself and put myself lower than any scum on earth? Can I accept the changes if I go ahead with my decision? I dont know.

Actually, I wish I have another option, another way out. At the moment I cant think of any but to retrieve, to step back. To entangled myself from the emotion web that I've caught myself into, I need a way out. I dunno how, would I just stay entangled and being eaten by big black Spidey? Or would i rather cut myself from the web and fall deep unto watever is down there.. I dunno...Yet, at this moment, I'm willing to do anyth drastic....As I am in deep pain....yes....a hurt taht not many can identify.........

Sigh...I wish I would not have to take the path that my mind is nagging me to take. I told myself, wait, its not time yet..Wait...a little more...just a little more...Just a little more ....

The more I waited, the more entangled I am in this web.....The more I struggle, the more I am entangled. All I want to do now, is just to be still..and think...
Wat's the next step...U see I'm contradicting myself again........Sigh...Just a little more time...

Do keep me in your prayers..I need it.....................

Sickly Weekend

The whole of last week has a lot of ups and downs or shall I say mostly down. So many things happening in work place and the shitty politics here in d(h)ell sucks big time. A friend just got terminated today simply without any good reason. Sigh. Sad for her. What can I do? Nothing but wishes all the best to her and learn from her to save my own ass here at d(h)ell.

Well, Aaron came to stay over at my place over the weekend as he was down in Pg for Cf camp. Glad to see him again and we were able to catch up on things. :) Had a fun time chatting with him. Well, the day didnt ended up so well, I actually wanted to bring him to see the nite life in Pg but then, I fell sick rite before dinner time. It all started with a chill and then a shiver. The shiver didnt stop for at least and hour and it was one of the worst experience I've had.

I couldnt take the shiver anymore cos I was having difficulty breathing and I called Cheryl to send me to teh doc. Aaron accompanied me as well, and he had to eat bread for dinner as I was not well enough to bring him makan. Really felt guilty about it. After taking my mediction, I fell asleep as I was having a temperature. Tevan called at 4.30 to chat and I was feeling better as the fever subsided.

The next day was better and we went to catch a movie in Bj as there was nothing to do. Was rather worried for my little bro. And it ache my heart to see him hurting. Guess we are in the same boat. Getting ourselves hurt over and over again even though we are aware of it but knowing the stubborn person tat I am, I am still holding unto the pain....Hmm, ever wondered a little cut hurts, but you wil keep on touching the wound just to feel the pain again..Ironic?

Well, I will start my week well this week. Nothing is going to screw my week, I dun care whether is QUeen of d(h)ell or who ever shit, Im going to have a good week.

Not a blue Monday

My shift started at 6 am today and imagine I had to get up at 5 am. Yes, a person like me who is used to sleeping only at 5 am finds it so difficult to wake up. I asked Tevan to wake me up and his timing was so good, when the alarm rang, I received a sms from him. I washed up and it was freezing cold in the morning.

I was so groggy and couldnt hear nyself properly. Then, Shakila and I went to Jln Tengah to haev breakfast. Basically, I had a pleasant day at work. With 3 more hours to go, I'm so happy man. Hehehe, lets see what else I will do during the evening.

Yesterday, my church had a fundraising for the Youth camp.The youth sold Korean food and I helped in selling Kim Chi soup. It was good and I managed to sell the whole pot. Not bad heh. Then we out with Rowena for dinner and we proceeded to BJ as she bought a new pair of Scholl Flexiwear for Joshua. Not too bad. Hehe..

Talked to Tevan on the phone when I came back and alaso this morning..:)

I cant wait to finish work actually.Oh Yeah, stephanie's last day today. She bought us chocolates..Yummy..

My weekend

My weekend was alrite and I spent it relaxing and doing nothing in particular.
I'm so used to waking up early and I just cant sleep through till afternoon. Hmm, maybe my room stil have no curtain yet.

Well, on Saturday, I went to uni hoping to get my degree letter and to my dimay, the clerkj refused to give me and asked me to come back on the 15. Told ehr my story and she said she will do it on Mon. I hope she has done it and I will go collect it after work. Then, went to service the motor and went for Vegetarian lunch with Sehley, my housemate. Didnt see him the whole week and was glad to be able to spend some time with him. Went shopping in Bj and realised he is a very shy person. He wont simply ask for price and it was funny to see his expression.

Saturday nite went to Tesco with Tevan. His bike had some problem and we spent more than half n hour trying to fix it. Being smart and logical, I managed to help him out a little..heheh...Perasan. Actually, didnt want to writ ethis down, but because Tevan mentioned that I will surely blog this down, so what the heck..:)

Oh yeah, we decided to cook dinner without a cooking stove as I;ve just settled in my new apartment. So we fried sausages in a tiny weeny rice cooker. We even fried sardine and also baked beans. WE toasted bread and had dinner at around 11.30 pm. Yummy, ate until so full and it was fun too...

Miss the baked beans so much til I went to buy one more can of it from Bj yesterday.

Galz day out

I dated Chooi Fong and Adeline for makan yesterday and WenBy tagged along. Well, we had a good time chatting and eating at Jelutong. I tried the porridge there and it was good. :)
After that, we went to my house to check it out since the two of them have not seen it before. After a short tour, we ended up sitting in my room and chatted til 1.30 am. I had to say, alrite girls, I'm working tomorrow and let's call it a day.

There were so many juicy stories to hear especially coming from the comical Wenby. There were so many conflicts and love triangle. It was really sad and frustrating to hear. Well, Adeline, Chooi Fong and I had a good time laughing at the time we shared during our CA times and Cameron's mission trip. I also invited them over for a slumber party. But then, I can only do it on a weekend.:)

It has been a long time since I last had a girlie talk. Hmm, it was fun. I would rather have just the 3 of us. Cos its difficult to share things with Wenby as she is just a junior. :)

Adeline came up with a Master Students CG. Interesting idea..

The Alarm clock

I fell asleep at about 2 am yesterday after dinner and supper with Tevan. I was awaken by a sms at 5.58 am and the sms read "Wake up and go and mandi la". I missed call to indicating yes, I am awake. Then, my house phone rang and I had to grab a blanket to wrap my semi naked condition to answer the call so I wont wake Shelley who was sleeping in his room. Argh, it was Tevan, waking me up. I told him in a very sleepy voice and said I will call him back in an hours time.

There, I climbed into my bed and pulled the blanket over and had my precious one hour of sleep. Woke up before my alarm rang and got ready in 7 mins. I received another sms at 7.01 asking me whether am I awake. Misscalled Tevan back and he called my house. We were just talking about his studies and suddenly I needed to chiibbaaboom...(my stomach hurts) And I said, I'll call u back in 3 mins.. I need to go..Faster faster.... (I will keep the details to myself :))

Oh yeah, I'm supposed to talk about my ride to work..Well, it takes me about 15-20 mins to ride to work. I will pass this stretch of coastal highway in a factory area. For those who knows your geography well, its in Bayan Lepas area. The coastal road is a long stretch with Pulau Jerejak as its main view and I'm like riding at the rim of the island. On a bright and sunny day, the sea glitters in various colours. Sometimes, I wish i can just stopm my bike and take a breather there, enjoying God's creation.

On rainy days, I was concentrating more on the slippery road rather than the sea. Hmm, you can see dark c;ouds hovering over the island and there are a few more small islands at the area. There is this particular stone which stood up above the rest. It looks like a small light house built on it. I am not sure what it is, but the thing jutting out abover the stone always caught my attention..:)

GEnerally, I do enjoy my ride to work, minus the congestion and rain..:)

Working still, and the time is passing so slowly. Ironic isnt it, when u are having fun, the time is simply so short..

My Ride to Work

I've been wanting to write about my ride to work but have to put it off everytime. Today was a hectic day just like yesterday as I;ve got calls non stop. Anyway, its 20 mins before I log off, and thot about blogging in.

I ride to work on a motorcycle. It has been raining for the past two weeks and it was really hard for me to go home or go to work. Praise God for his mercy, cos the rain was not always tat heavy when i ride home Thank God for the rain coat that Tevan gave to me.
Hmm, just got a screw up customer..Logging off in 7 mins. So guess I will continue my blog tmrw..

It's Saturday and I am Working

Yeah, u read it rite. I had to wake up at 6 in the morning for my 7 am shift. Had a long nite the nite before because it rained and Tevan couldnt go home. So he lepak in my house til about 4 am. And I was already exhausted, he had to ride back home in the rain. I feel so bad.

Well, I made so many blunders at work today. Passing wrong que and giving wrong info. Argh....
So frustrating... So many different kinda customers with different needs....and well, my brain not working today.Brain freeze already. SO freezing cold here..

Anyway, finally unpacked all my stuff in my new apartment. Phew, spent about 2 hours plus. Hehe, Tevan and I lepak in my room and thinking of ways to make my room more happening. He came out with a collage idea which we need to paste it on the ceiling...Hmm.. alot of work to be done. He also suggested getting a few more cabinets to put my books and tennis racquets..
Hmm, shall do some shopping today. Stil havent put up my curtain railing and i dun have a curtain yet.

Hmm, cant wait to go home and have a long sleep...a real long wan...

My Never Again List

Never again will I confess "I can't" for "I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me." Philippians 4:13

Never again will I confess lack, for "my God shall supply all of my needs according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:19

Never again will I confess fear, for "God hath not given me the spirit of fear, but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind." II Timothy 1:7

Never again will I confess doubt and lack of faith, for "God hath given to every man the measure of faith." Romans 12:3

Never again will I confess weakness for "The Lord is the strength of my life." Psalm 27:1

Never again will I confess defeat, for "God always causeth me to triumph in Christ Jesus." II Corinthians 2:14

Never again will I confess lack of wisdom, for "christ Jesus is made unto me wisdom from God." I Corinthians 1:30

Never again will I confess worries and frustrations, for I am "casting all my cares upon Him who careth for me." I Peter 5;7

Never again will I confess condemnation, for "There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus." Romans 8:1

"Boulevard Of Broken Dreams"

I walk a lonely road
The only one that I have ever known
Don't know where it goes
But it's home to me and I walk alone

I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams
Where the city sleeps
and I'm the only one and I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk aloneI walk a...

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone

Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Aaah-ah,
Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Ah-ah

I'm walking down the line
That divides me somewhere in my mind
On the border line
Of the edge and where I walk alone

Read between the lines
What's fucked up and everything's alright
Check my vital signs
To know I'm still alive and I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk a...

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me'
Til then I walk alone

Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Aaah-ahAh-ah,
Ah-ahI walk aloneI walk a...I

walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams
Where the city sleeps
And I'm the only one and I walk a...

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone...