A Reminisence

The events that unfolded during the weekend was something the Lord has very much prepared me for it. He knows me so well and I was reminded of His love and mercy when someth big is going to happen. He always prepare me in advance, giving me hints, dreams and revelations.

I especially was reminded of the times I was in Cameron Highlands Camp (Camp Cam) years ago. Annette told me this in particular, Elina, you need to let it all go. And shout if you have too, and CRIED it all out. I have enough baggage with me that is dragging and pulling me back to be the woman Jesus wants me to be.

On a particular Sun, when we are to spend quiet time alone the whole day, 3 of us were driven to Boh Tea plantation by Kim Cheng and we were left to SCREAM, CRY, Letting go every thing that has bottled up over the years. IT was REFreshing and I feel light after that. That was how I got to know Chooi Foong and the other girl.

A breakthrough is taking place and I know I'm at the very brim of it. It's anytime from now. Pastor Ed gave me the word of Knowledge during our Retreat in April. The Lord is going to change something and it will hurt. Something needs to be broken so that I can move on a higher level in my spiritual life.I know something big is going to happen..

Well, as the leaders gather for our RLF outings we have each shared our joy, or challenge in serving. Sis Paecy told us to share if we have any ill or negative feelings towards the people gather here, we should settle it in a godly matter. Let the other person know how we truly feel and be transparent towards the others. Judith told me she doesnt like my attitude in delegating ppl. Well, anyway I am often misunderstood and I cannot remember rolling my eyes towards her. She shouted and was being rude to me. Anyway, to cut the story short, it was an uncomfortable nite for all. Judith walked away angrily.

I went home being affected with the whole drama and couldnt sleep the whole nite. I ask Jesus to show me and reveal to me what is the root cause? I need to find the root and settle it once and for all. I realised that the negative feelings she had for me was traced back way before my wedding. One week before my wedding,she didnt wanted to be my bridesmaid and confronted me about being rude to her. Well, more often than not, my intentions was never revealed. What I feel for a particular person was often not justified. I feel I do not get the benefit of doubt for every single actions.

I couldnt sleep last nite as well. I cried hard and long. It hurts to be going through a period of pain, moulding, transforming, healing. Sis Paecy was there for. ADvising me and encouraged me when I am at my lowest point.

I have decided to be humble and forgiving. I have decided to step ahead and to clear the wall between me and Judith. I have choosen what the holy spirit wants me to do.
It's not easy, it's uncomfortable but will choose to take the better path in order to experience my breaktru.

Again, as I cried and think last nite, it's going to be a few more days to my first year anniversary.The devil has been trying his best to make me upset. Causing so much problem and I know that everything happens for a reason and the Lord has prepared me..After every storm there will be a calm. I'm ready Lord to venture into another level. I believe for a blessed marriage, a blessed financial situation, a blessed house we can call our home, a blessed bunch of offsprings and blessed woman.


I have begun to pray and