Been some time since I last blog.
As time goes by, my fatith is diminshing. Went to church for a seminar yesterday and phew, cpuldnt sit there for an hour. When home half way through. It just feel so crappy. I think the feeling of guilt, unworthiness all came over me and I just cant be in the presence of Christians.
Shucks. I have lost the passion to be with God. And deep down inside me, I know I need him and even desire Him. But, something is stoping me. I feel so damn crappy and useless and I am beginning to loose my identity. Losing of what i had become and becoming a different person.
I do not blame anyone but myself. The expectations I had on others, and when they dissapoint me or even hurt me, there goes another wound that adds up and make me build more walls around me. I am phobia to expectaions now. whatever anyone expects me to do, i just cant perform anymore and dont want to do it. Aargh, graduating soon and its scarying me. I am not ready to go out. I am not ready to go anywhere.
If anyone is reading this, say a prayer for me...
Saturday, January 22, 2005
got my nose pierced
When to Gurney Plaza all dressed up with my
fellow girl frens - Chin Hsia, Amanda and Cheryl
yesterday to celebrate's Chin Hsia's birthday.
They were telling me to buy more accessories for
myself to beautify myself. Anyway, asked Amanda
whethere she wanted to get her nose pierced? We
shook hand after she thought about it for a few
seconds.
After shopping for some clothes, Cheryl has to see
a shop with the sign Nose and Ear Piercing.
Shucks!! No turning back now.I was the first to get
my nose pierced after loosing 'paper, scissors,
stone' to Amanda. Phew. The pain just went tru ur
nose...and tears just formed in your eyes.
Now, there is this little stud sticking on ur nose
and it's blocking ur vision.Hahaha, y in the world
did i do it????? Not regretiing.. Just the irritating
pain on not being able to wash ur face properly or
even blow my freaking nose pisses me
off...hahahha..(To those who know me, i blow my
nose all the time, esp in the morn)
In a rather melancholic mood, so just entertaining
myself with this story....My nose still hurts..
fellow girl frens - Chin Hsia, Amanda and Cheryl
yesterday to celebrate's Chin Hsia's birthday.
They were telling me to buy more accessories for
myself to beautify myself. Anyway, asked Amanda
whethere she wanted to get her nose pierced? We
shook hand after she thought about it for a few
seconds.
After shopping for some clothes, Cheryl has to see
a shop with the sign Nose and Ear Piercing.
Shucks!! No turning back now.I was the first to get
my nose pierced after loosing 'paper, scissors,
stone' to Amanda. Phew. The pain just went tru ur
nose...and tears just formed in your eyes.
Now, there is this little stud sticking on ur nose
and it's blocking ur vision.Hahaha, y in the world
did i do it????? Not regretiing.. Just the irritating
pain on not being able to wash ur face properly or
even blow my freaking nose pisses me
off...hahahha..(To those who know me, i blow my
nose all the time, esp in the morn)
In a rather melancholic mood, so just entertaining
myself with this story....My nose still hurts..
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