Flying of to Sabah

My tickets are booked and ervything is confirmed. I will be flying off to Sabah on the 2 July to 9 July. I booked my tickets last week and Rowena suddenly said she wants to go also. So she just confirmed her tickets which was double of mine today. We also book the flight back from KLIA to PG. So, it's flying all the way.

I am so excited as there is at least someoen who will be climbing mount Kinabalu with me. So we can at least practise and train together. Semanagat a bit. Phew. Cant wait to quit my job and go for a holiday and a break. I need to knoe my master's application results. Still no news. Sigh.. I need to know man..

Alrite then, it has been a rather relaxing day. Pig Head came over last nite and ate my chocolate..Yikes..:) We spent some time together la. Me n Shelley and Pighead. WE have a new project, me and pighead...:) We want to paint someting and hang it on the wall. Now I must start browing through some graphics for me to cetak rompak. At least there is something for me to look forward too.
Alrite then, written enough for today..Chioz..

Aiya

tak jadi..

eh, aaron, teach me how to put a pic like urs and u can write something about it wan..hahaha
Im so lost in the world of IT..:)

Trying out

just trying out how to post picture on this blog..:)

http://i5.photobucket.com/albums/y153/elina_g/KevnEL.jpg

Weekends

I had a rather long weekend, this is because I was on Mc on Friday and spent the whole day sleeping my life away. Been thinking about myself again and well, I wondered where ELina Goh went? The fun can carefree girl I used to be. Sigh..Now, I dun like the person I've become...Over sensitive and building up more walls then ever.

I was browsing through Salvation Bookstore and there was a few books that I really would like to get hold on. Shucks, I didnt have the money as my pay is not in yet. I cant wait to get those books to read and improve myself..I spent 5 hours with Rowena in the salon to cut and dye her hair. Phew it was definately tiring not doing anything but just sitting down there.

We went to collect her brand new kelisa frrom the shop and I got the priviledge to drive it first because she doenst dare to. HEhee, there I was driving a brand new Kelisa and it sure does feel good man. too bad it wasnt mine. Slept very early last nite cos I was dead tired.

Had a few nightmares and I work up sweating a couple of times. I thought I heard some noise in my house in the wee hours of the morning. Was too tired to bother. hmm, I wonder what was tat.

Anyway, I need money..ARgh...I need to buy some toiletries........

I miss home more than ever.

Keep My Focus

Someone asked me Am I happy? It's so weird. I couldnt answer. Such a simple question yet so difficult. Would it be a yes or would it be a no. It got me thinking. I've not been happy in a long time. Gone are the days when nothing seems to worry you and you just live one day at a time.

I wonder how growing up has made you cover yourself with more mask then ever before. I am actually putting up more walls then I should and its killing me inside. I dont know, this self protection is shutting me down from people that I love and care about. This self defense also made me behave opposite from my true self.

What is my true self? Who is the real Elina? Am I a pleaser? A follower? A friend? A person?
I need to find my own identity. It's ironic because just whe you thought you know who you are, the world will again question your being with all the life challenges..I',m so caught up with the things around me and I never ask myself what do I want?

I've always thought for others and I've not actually think for myself. And I agree that putting others first before yourself is a goo thing. But the thing is I neglect my own well being and that is not healthy. The bible says, Love neighbour as you love yourself. But, I do not love myself.

I know its hard to believe this because its so easy to love yourself. Hmm..I am always underestimating myself....I need to find my identity. Who I am inside and my identity in Christ.

Should I or should I not?

At the moment, I am wondering whether did I make the right decision by wanting to stay in Penang after my graduation. Now, I am doubting my choice. I am not sure whether this is where I should pursue my studies or just pack and go home. And that's what I've been wanting to do.

The friends and people around me are not helping with my confusion at all. Someone just shouted at me yestderday nite for being so emotional and how do I explain the confusion and turmoil I feel inside. I myself dunno what's YEsgoing on in me. And all I could do is just keep quiet because my mind is blank. There is no point answering all the questions directed to me cos there were no answers. I just feel melancholic that's all. I couldnt do anything else and I just cried because no one undestands me. I cried. In the middle of the nite and was awaken by a phone call. I cried. Sounds pathetic yeah.

Nevertheless, as I woke up this morning with both my eyes swollen. I ask myself again, do I really want to stay in Penang? I still cant find the answer.

Well, sitting here all alone with No Shakila to chat and laugh with...So bored..

Tribute to Shakila

Well, the day started with a heavy thunderstorm and I couldnt go to work. I sms-ed Shakila at 7 am to ask her to give me a lift. The rain was really heavy and it was congested all the way to work. We were 10 mins late and this is the first time ever that I was late.

Our KFC cravings took the better of us and we drove to get Colonel's original and curry chicken. ANd we were again late to come back cos we couldnt find a parking. And we didnt give a darn anyway.

Sigh, Shakila's last day and I will be here all alone for the next 2 months. Kinda sad to think about it. No more fren to eat with and talk nonsense. Well, hope to befriend the newbies so my work wouldnt be so boring.

Sigh..So tired...had an argument with Tevan last nite. It was not even an arguement. Just didnt feel like talking to him cos I was just pissed la...

I dont know what's up with me these days. Easily pissed and I am becoming worst and worst. I need to go home soon...

OOops this is supposed to be for Shakila...Hehehe..You will definately be missed..:)

Why is it when you find the answers you lose the reasons?

Why is it when you find the answers you lose the reasons? (Shakila R.)
WEll said Shakila..:)

Hmm, that's exactly what I've been feeling for the past two weeks. So many questions in my mind, and when I try to find the answers, I lost the reason in doing so. And the next question is.. NOW WHAT????

I think the NOW WHAT? question is much more confusing and depressing to think about. It requires you take take the next step and what are you going to do about it. ANd there you will go cracking your already crazy head and having to make the decision that will change everyth. And I hate to be in the thinking mode. I will go depress and start making assumptions and pressumations...Whatever you call it. ARgh....

Well, it has been a tiring one month as I've been working the 6 am shift. I am physically, emotionally and spiritually tired. It has been a real hectic week for me cos the call rates in Dell is crazy as they had promotion. And well, its Saturday and I am working. I didnt have much time to blog cos have to asnwer all those freaking calls. Anyway, today is rather relaxing as there are not many calls and I am thankful for that.

Feel like going home and I definately need to go home. I've not been home since CNy and tats about 3 months plus and I think this is the longest that I've been away from home. Its a wonder how familiar faces and surroundings can just recharge you........