Finding the Writer in Me

What's in Melaka

2009-11-03T10:08:00.002+08:00

This year has been a good year. A year of moulding, of freedom and definitely a year of blessings.

The past few months has been really good. Dolly and Paul came down from Perth and we had a wonderful time catching up and getting to know Paul.

Anyway, since we have been the host to many guest. I would like to list down what are the things to do in Melaka and what to eat so that you can experience Melaka and would wish to come back again.

Samuel and Allyson came down for the weekend to help out in RLM's Thanksgiving Fundraising Dinner event which was held on 31 Oct. The whole of Sat was packed with many things and we hardly had anytime to tour Melaka.

Since both of them are from Penang, the would love to try some chicken rice ball. We went to this restaurant in Melaka Raya (instead of the original at Jonker's cos of the massive crowd) opposite Public Bank. The price is pricey for 3 when the bill came to RM 50plus. The food is ok for tourist. I would prefer to eat at Melaka Baru which is 20 mins away from town which is not convenient to bring our guest since the major attraction is in town itself.

The top dinner place that's a must is TeoChew restaurant at second cross street. You can google it and I would not repeat the same fantastic food they have there. We have been looking for a good Nyonya Restaurant which taste really good. The current ones are too touristy and we the locals do not really like the taste anymore. Hence, after Pae suggested to us Kapitan House, we decided to give it a try. Phew!!!!!! We were blown away with the food. Definitely 2 thumbs up.

When you are in Melaka, the things you really need to see are:

A'Famosa Fort

Clock Tower, Stadhuys,

Jonker Street

Baba House Museum

Cheng Ho Museum

River Boat (nite)

And after all the eating and sight seeing, it is best to go for foot reflexology or body massage.

I tell you, you will have a blast here.

Win a Holiday

2009-10-05T17:02:00.000+08:00

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Wanting a miracle

2009-08-20T10:51:00.003+08:00

Well, this blog used to be a place of my ranting as a teenager, then as a student then of my love life...Then now I am married and obviously, I will talk about marriage life.

Marriage has been good and of course there are ups and downs. But the best thing about being in Christ is that, when the goings get tough, the tough kept going. We have been wanting for a baby since the day we tied the knot and settled as husband and wife. I being only 26 has already prepared myself mentally, emotionally and spiritually.

If you are married and wanting a child, I believe you know what I meant. Every month has been an ordeal, waiting for your period due date. When it comes, you will be upset. If it doesn't then you will be so excited if you are one day late and there goes the pregnancy test. When the pregnancy test showed only 1 line instead of 2, your heart falls to the ground in disappointment. Many months I marked my calender on my 1st day of period. I was so tensed up and physco myself into being pregnant. Wow, I wouldnt dare count the numerous pregnancy test I bought and tried.

Disappointment after disappointment. My period had been irregular since I was young, hence I wouldnt really know or be sure that I missed my period or when I am most fertile. After a year, I finally went to the gynae to check. I am thankful that there is nothing wrong with me. Heheh just that my ovaries are not ovulating and the doc said I should be pregnant in 6 months. If not, see him again.

Well, it has been about 7 weeks since I last saw the doc. I seriously feel pregnant and my period is late for 20 days already. I have tested 3 home pregnancy test and it was all negative. Well, I feel like pulling my hair out. ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH....

Jesus confirmed with me that when every area of my life that is not from Him needs to be broken, then I will get my miracle. Many things has happened since then. My unforgiveness, my pride, and the list go on. Read my woman in progress entry.

Pastor has confirmed that he sense I am a new person. A new beginning. Does that mean I will be having my miracle soon?

I asked hubby recently, "What do you want for your birthday?"
He answered, "A baby."

An answer I didn't expect him to say. I thought he would have wanted a new house, a new car or even a new speaker for the laptop.

I didn't answer. Just a pause from me. How can I give him a baby? It's not even in my means and there is nothing I can do but to trust in Jesus.
I know that in His time, He makes all things beautiful.

And yes, I want to carry a miracle in my womb.
I should be seeing the gynae pretty soon or just do a blood test.

I shall wait upon YOu LORD..
Wait...........

Olio- Rennaissance Melaka

2009-08-20T10:36:00.003+08:00

Hubby's birthday was around the corner and wanted to bring him to a special place for dinner.
Since we are from a small historical town, every other restaurant has been visited and most of the hotels buffet are not too great for us to be even tempted to go.

While stopping at the Rennaisance junction when the traffic was Red. Read the advertisement with discount for the birthday person according to his age..I was like WOW, this is a must go place. Called and made the reservation for 5 cos thinking Pae, Mike and Jerry will join us. They all cant make it due and left the two of us.

The place was dim with romantic environment. Feel a bit 'sua ku' with the italian menu. Wow, the price on the menu is suffocating. Literally made me gulp in my throat and for the first time my mental calculator was at work. I was thinking it's ok la.. We will get 39% discount on everyth since hubby is 39. Hehe, I ordered a set menu dinner for one which cost RM 130++ again thinking i will get 39% off. Ordered lasagna and hubby had a wine buffet which cost RM 59++.

We had a candle on our table and were served with fresh oven baked bread. Well, the manager put some olive oil and vinegar and I reckon must be for us to dip the bread in. Wow, such peculiar taste but it was yummy.

Overall, the food was good. Not FANTASTIC but the service is of excellent. The manager surprised my husband with a slice of cake with a candle and they came over to our table to sing a song for him. That really made his day.

This is place is really good for special occasions and I seriously can go back there just for the wine buffet. Only the white wine are chilled and the reds are at room temperature. Hubby finished a bottle and a half of white..

It was definitely a memorable evening..
Blessed birthday baby..:)
May Jesus grant the desires of your heart.

A Woman in Progress

2009-08-08T11:37:00.003+08:00

I have not been writing much as I was busy with entertaining guest from China and we went to Genting and KL for 5 days. It was a rather tiring trip.

Well, I would say the main reason is that I dislike penning down unhappy thots. The past 2-3 weeks has been a roller coaster in my emotions and in my spirit. My negativity, my unforgiveness, my overly sensitive spirit, my pride, my ego, my jealousy, my focus on man, and overall my stubbornness has caused me to loose focus and blamed everyone but myself with the things I see unfit and that's happening in my life.

I thank Jesus for being patient with me and every so gracious in my life. Every area need to be dealt before I can move move on to the next spiritual level. My Personal Time (PT) last nite with Ps.Ed has been an eye opener. I never realised I have closed my heart and be such a stubborn mule not to see my weakness. I praise Jesus for the revelations He has given me and the new things he is beginning to do in my life.

I thank Jesus for precious good friends who were there to encourage me, rebuke me, advise me and give me a hard knock when they know I am not in the right mind. Indeed, I am experiencing FREEDOM and Rest. A rest that I have never had all my life.

I am anticipating the new person I am growing to be. As I mentioned in my previous post that there is someth else that needs a breakthrough...I believe I have received the breakthrough.

Wow. Such Revelation. Such NEWness the Lord is allowing me to enjoy.
Indeed, I had been the 100th sheep, Where the shrpherd will abandon the 99 to look just for me.
When he found me, all tired, all lost, all hungy, all dirty from the wandering to unknown and unsafe territory, He put me on his shoulder and take me home to where I belong.

Then He throw a party to celebrate the lost sheep that has been found. WOW..Not even sitting down to nag and scold me for my misbehavior. He CELEBRATED!!!!!!!

Wow such powerful revelation.

A I am woman in progress and I will soar like an EAGLE as my JESUS is leading me there.
WIthout a Shepherd I would be lost. I know He is holding my hand guiding me.

What kinda person are you?

2009-07-03T11:16:00.001+08:00

Are you a YESTERDAY person? A Today Person or Tomorrow person?

The YESTERDAY person lives for yesterday
The TODAY person lives for today
The TOMORROW person lives for tomorrow

Well, I used to be a yesterday person and always dwell on what happened in the past.
As I ponder at this point in my life, I realised I am more of a tomorrow person as I
often look forward to what's anticipating me for tomorrow.

Often, each of us have a little bit of this and little bit of that or a mixture. I would say I am 60% Tomorrow and 30 % yesterday and 10% today. We are called to live for TODAY.

Psalm 118:24… This is the day the LORD has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it.

This verse is not foreign to many and even the kids in my Children Church knows it. But how many of us truly comprehend this verse. Indeed our days are written on the palm of our Heavenly Father's hands. The Lord has made TODAY just for me. And everything that JESUS made is GOOD!!!!!!..... Read Genesis Chapter 1. Everything that God created is good..

So, let's start rejoicing and be glad for a new day. Instead of dreading to go to work, dreading to meet that client or finish that assignment, REJOICE for the LORD has blessed us with 24 hours a day.

It's a reminder for me to live for TODAY. If I dwell on Yesterday,I will be stuck in history and not look forward to run the race, If I look for TOMORROW, I will miss what Today has to offer. Often, the people around us are not cherished, appreciated or acknowledge as we often do not see what is in front of us at the very moment.

You and I should live for today. Jesus said not to worry about tomorrow. Jesus wants us to live one day at a time trusting Him and Him alone. Jesus says that our tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. Every new day is a gift from Jesus to us. We must choose to put the past behind whenever morning breaks.

Morning has broken, like the first morning
Blackbird has spoken, like the first bird
Praise for the singing, praise for the morning
Praise for the springing fresh from the word

Sweet the rain’s new fall, sunlit from heaven
Like the first dewfall, on the first grass
Praise for the sweetness of the wet garden
Sprung in completeness where His feet pass

Mine is the sunlight, mine is the morning
Born of the one light, Eden saw play
Praise with elation, praise every morning
God’s recreation of the new day

(by Eleanor Farjeon)

Mission Trip 19-21 June

2009-06-24T13:50:00.002+08:00

The past 5 days in Kota Kinabalu has been a blessed time. The 18 of us from Malacca boarded the Air Asia plane to KK and what a joy to see Paulus and Sis Helga waiting for us outside the airport. We have so many luggages and one van was needed to fit just that. We arrived in Grace Point for lunch and the journey to Terintindon began. The ride for the first 2 hours was good but as we crossed the bridge, the tar road turned to gravel road with stones and dirt. It was a 1 an half hour bumpy ride.

We were welcomed by the pastor and villagers as soon as we stepped off the van. The condition of the village was nice and not as bad as my previous mission trips. They have water and electric and the church was well structured with comfortable musical instruments.

As soon as we had our first meeting, I headed off to put on my clown make-up.
It has been ages since I last make up and I surprised myself that I did a good job despite
no practise for at least 2 years. I told myself, Jesus this is for You. I'm not working but this is Serving you, I want the kids to see a clown for themselves. My usual half an hour makeup time became nearly one hour as I meticulously painted my face.

I was the center of attention and the kids had never seen a clown before. Since I used to work in major shopping malls,kids in the cities are very familiar with clowns. They will request for balloon sculptures whereas the kids in this village has never seen a balloon sculpture before.

The next morning a young boy held on to a inflated balloon like his little treasure. I asked him to give it to me and he refused. I didn't want him to bite and choke on the rubber. I have never seen city kids treasuring an inflated balloon in such a way. My heart melted and I made for him a new one and more kids came.

The kids in the village are warm and waiting to be close to us. Many children hugged me especially the girls and the boys were well behaved. They will listen to instruction and are very much attentive.

The children's Sunday School class rooms are without much facilities and they do not even have a single colour pencil for the children to colour. How I wished I have the money to buy for each child. Nevertheless, I had fun teaching the children Action songs and Acting out skits and mimes for them. I asked who wants to accept Jesus as their Lord and Saviour and all hands up.

We prayed and I commit the kids to JESUS.
Indeed, my mission for the whole weekend was touching the lives of children. I didn't really participated in the adult sessions. The children are running around without any activities and I decided to take out my pump and balloons. I had at least 50 kids surrounding me each wanting a balloon. At least I tried to maintain the quietness for 45 mins.

I enjoyed seeing children singing along with the adult worship and it also saddened me that the kids are not treated as gems. We want to see kids as future leaders and they are the one who will be future leaders and pastors of the church.

What a weekend to commemorate Dino and my first year wedding anniversary. Serving Jesus together is our desire and we are going to serve and worship Him all of our lives. We had a fun time eating and relaxing at Tanjung Aru with the gang. The 2 extra days in Sabah has been a holiday for us both and we enjoyed every moment in Sabah.

Set Free!!!!!

2009-06-17T14:50:00.002+08:00

Well, I feel much lighter emotionally and spiritually and not pyhsically yet. HEHEHE
Anyway, yesterday's meeting was fruitful.
It was definitely a time of Restoration and Pastor Ed reminded us that indeed what Judith and I had was a blessing from Jesus. Our friendship is at the verge of breaking or making yesterday nite. We either make it or break it for good.

WE both agreed that we have acted childishly and has allowed the devil to robbed us of our joy, our friendship and has chosen to ignore the hurts and misunderstandings.

We both apologised for hurting each other and choose to accept that we both are imperfect. Judith has expectation on me and I have insecurities with my friendship with her.

We choose to allow the holy spirit to mend in His time and now, it's all settled..

I am liberated..
A closure for me...
Thank you JEsus

Ta da.............

2009-06-16T16:59:00.002+08:00

Tonite's the nite where the confrontation and resolvement begins..:)
I will go with an open heart. Will let the Holy Spirit work through me and I will choose to be humble.

To acknowledge my pride, to acknowledge my insecurities, to see that I am imperfect, and shred away all negativity, shred away anger, bitterness, unforgiveness and whatever that is not of Him.

Do I have fear to face what will be thrown at me? Yes... I am human..
Do I know I will be set free? Yes I am confident..Cos I choose to be set free from all this chronic root of bitterness and unforgiveness.. I want to be set free.. I want to soar like an EAGLE.

So today, I choose to forgive.. I choose not to be judgmental. I choose to be open and accept any rebuke. I choose to walk in liberty...in freedom...and to unloose and remove every baggage that I've been carrying for a long time..

Jesus, You are so so good. I know Lord You are incharged..:)
I know You are good..

A Reminisence

2009-06-15T11:42:00.002+08:00

The events that unfolded during the weekend was something the Lord has very much prepared me for it. He knows me so well and I was reminded of His love and mercy when someth big is going to happen. He always prepare me in advance, giving me hints, dreams and revelations.

I especially was reminded of the times I was in Cameron Highlands Camp (Camp Cam) years ago. Annette told me this in particular, Elina, you need to let it all go. And shout if you have too, and CRIED it all out. I have enough baggage with me that is dragging and pulling me back to be the woman Jesus wants me to be.

On a particular Sun, when we are to spend quiet time alone the whole day, 3 of us were driven to Boh Tea plantation by Kim Cheng and we were left to SCREAM, CRY, Letting go every thing that has bottled up over the years. IT was REFreshing and I feel light after that. That was how I got to know Chooi Foong and the other girl.

A breakthrough is taking place and I know I'm at the very brim of it. It's anytime from now. Pastor Ed gave me the word of Knowledge during our Retreat in April. The Lord is going to change something and it will hurt. Something needs to be broken so that I can move on a higher level in my spiritual life.I know something big is going to happen..

Well, as the leaders gather for our RLF outings we have each shared our joy, or challenge in serving. Sis Paecy told us to share if we have any ill or negative feelings towards the people gather here, we should settle it in a godly matter. Let the other person know how we truly feel and be transparent towards the others. Judith told me she doesnt like my attitude in delegating ppl. Well, anyway I am often misunderstood and I cannot remember rolling my eyes towards her. She shouted and was being rude to me. Anyway, to cut the story short, it was an uncomfortable nite for all. Judith walked away angrily.

I went home being affected with the whole drama and couldnt sleep the whole nite. I ask Jesus to show me and reveal to me what is the root cause? I need to find the root and settle it once and for all. I realised that the negative feelings she had for me was traced back way before my wedding. One week before my wedding,she didnt wanted to be my bridesmaid and confronted me about being rude to her. Well, more often than not, my intentions was never revealed. What I feel for a particular person was often not justified. I feel I do not get the benefit of doubt for every single actions.

I couldnt sleep last nite as well. I cried hard and long. It hurts to be going through a period of pain, moulding, transforming, healing. Sis Paecy was there for. ADvising me and encouraged me when I am at my lowest point.

I have decided to be humble and forgiving. I have decided to step ahead and to clear the wall between me and Judith. I have choosen what the holy spirit wants me to do.
It's not easy, it's uncomfortable but will choose to take the better path in order to experience my breaktru.

Again, as I cried and think last nite, it's going to be a few more days to my first year anniversary.The devil has been trying his best to make me upset. Causing so much problem and I know that everything happens for a reason and the Lord has prepared me..After every storm there will be a calm. I'm ready Lord to venture into another level. I believe for a blessed marriage, a blessed financial situation, a blessed house we can call our home, a blessed bunch of offsprings and blessed woman.

I have begun to pray and

Gynae visit

2009-06-12T15:55:00.002+08:00

Hubby and I have been trying for a baby for nearly a year. (You would have realized if you read the previous posts) We have been believing that Jesus will bless us with a son when the time is right.

I do not have regular period since I was young hence the ability to conceive frustrates me in the beginning when we just got married. I was super paranoid and will stock up on Pregnancy test kit of various brand and shapes when all the results are negative..Only one line instead of the double line which I have very much anticipated. Well after many months of no news, I gave up.

Yesterday I went to the gynae after my period came 2 weeks once for 3 times in a row. I was shocked and decided to visit Dr.Liu, the renounce gynae in Melaka. The wait was terrible even though I went on weekday. Half way through, Dr.Liu had someone on the verge of delivery and he ran over to the Pantai hospital.

I was glad after 1.5 hours of wait, my turn came. Told Dr.Liu my predicament and he asked me to lye down for him to scan. Wow, the first time I look into my system. My womb size was measured about 7cm which is normal and both ovaries looks fine.

Hubby thought I couldn't see the screen and he didn't understood a word that came out of Dr.Liu's mouth, Ovaries, tubes, lining of the uterus wall seems like a foreign language to him. He was worried that he will need to explain to me what the doc said. Much to his relief, I ask the doc a few questions regarding what I saw on the screen..My layer of fats is like 2-3cm THICK. That's FAt man..
:)

Anyway, Dr.Liu said my condition is called Dysfunctional Uterine Bleeding. I google it up and he said its common among women. He prescribed Norcolut for me to take for 21 days. (some form of contraceptive) After that, I should be able to have normal period cycle and he ask me to take Clostilbegyt on my DAy 2 of period. He said I should be able to be pregnant in 3-6 months time. If not hubby must be checked to see whether is he shooting blanks..:)

I am happy to know that there is nothing wrong with me. It's merely hormone imbalance. I went to the doc after 1 year of trying and now, I'm trusting Jesus as He is the best doc. I believe there is no coincident for me to go for check up.

Make Up Course

2009-06-11T09:59:00.002+08:00

I signed up yesterday to learn Personal Make up Course from Ambridge Cottage.
Well, they have been my make up artist for a year since my wedding. The best I've
found so far in my little state of Melaka.

I like the personal training lessons given by Agnes...and of course with Eric jumping in to
scare me..He loves to see me ramble my words away when in shock. (melatah)
Yesterday's first lesson was theory where I was introduced with the different tools and make up functions.

The toughest will be the drawing of eye brow on paper. Phew. Spent more than 1 hour after lesson practising and I still havent got the hang of it. Just photocopy the sheets for me to practise again.
Hubby saw me without make up on my face thinking my class has been canceled or someth. Hehehe Men..

Digressing to another event which got me elated, I join the http://www.thebigcameradebate.com and well I join to try to win
a camera worth RM 1500. You would have noticed my blog are deprived of pics thats because my camera failed me over a year ago. Just do not have the cash to get a new one.. I was Shocked, Happy, Surprised, In doubt to see my Post was chosen as the post of the day. Wo hoooo...
I squinted my eyes..(Lately been seeing double visions) To read the comment and to make sure I did infact wrote that..

The topic for the second day was depth of field. "Dept oph pill?Whats that?A foreign language to the Comps which doesnt give isolation to the object as commanded by man. Who's da man now?

Heheheh my comment got chosen..I did posted a few others which I really can't remember..At least I'm in the eligible round..
Hopefully, I can win the camera which I really really really want..
:)

1st Year Anniversary

2009-06-09T10:11:00.002+08:00

Wow it's the 2nd week of June already. Can you believe how time just flies through your nose?
Even as I ponder, it is going to be a year to my 1st year wedding anniversary. Dino and I always look at each other whenever we get questions like how do you guys met? Both of us will push each other to tell while the other will just laugh away.

Yeah, it was a funny tale on how 2 people met in the most unlikely place and time. A good friend of mine, then Edmund was going to be ordained to be a pastor. So, a group of us came from Melaka and Singapore to witness this special occasion. Back then, I was still studying in Pg and took the bus down to our headquarters aka bunking place at the Ladies House in Kota Kemuning. (Ami, Judith, Helga, Kizzy and Paulus(not a lady) house.

I arrived a day before the rest and caught up with the gang. There's when I heard they, namely Aunty Girl (Ps.Ed's mum) are planning to match make Ami and a guy name Dino. When I heard that, I laughed as the name Dino was funny. Imagine Ami was disturbed excessiveness by me calling her Mrs.Dinosaur and all that.

The next day, the gang from Melaka came and as Dino walked into the house, I saw a bald man with a thick mustache and I couldnt stop laughing. I was laughing at Ami most of the time...

Dino's story...
As he was walking in, there was this girl whose laughter shook the whole house..laughing hysterically without any apparent reason. There was when he noticed me.

And then, as they said, the rest is history. :)

Today, I am happily married and being married is definitely good. :)
Thank You Jesus for giving me the best man that suits me best.
You know my needs, my wants, my desire and also my biggest dreams.

:)

Passion for Acting

2009-05-29T10:38:00.002+08:00

When I was in my primary school, I was in the DRAMA society while my other friends choose girl scouts or language clubs. So I was exposed to acting at a very young age.

Even though I didn't participated much while I was in High School, my life was rather full of drama. So I guess that would complete my resume in my 'acting' career. Kidding.

Then while in F6, I always make the teachers and classmates roared in laughter when I pretended to be 5 of the teachers who taught us in F6. Each had their own characteristic and way of teaching. There, I knew I was a drama queen.

University was a whole lot better when I get to choose a subject to Major and Minor in. I took Film as my major and thought long and hard on what to minor in. I gave psychology a try for one semester and calls it quits after learning some points from Sigmund Freud which caused me to be more confused than ever. Hence, my one subject in acting class 1 was so fun and lured me into minoring in performance arts which I have never regretted.

I took part in plays in church, mission trip, Christian Fellowship and etc.
Now, our church is planning to have a skit and I volunteered with joy.
I hope after a few years of lapsing in hibernating mode, it will rekindle my passion in acting and
drama.

:)

Breakthrough is coming

2009-05-28T14:41:00.002+08:00

I decided not to go Singapore after a slow talk with hubby.
We do not have the means at the moment and we are going to
Sabah on the third weekend of June.

Anyway, I had the peace of not going even though I feel a little sad.
I believe Jesus knows best as the worship team needed hubby.
I just found out after I decided not to go.. Jesus timing is perfect.

I am currently planning and practicing for our mission trip to Sabah.
There are many things on my plate and I'm starting to prepare myself
emotionally,spiritually and physically..

Oh did I mention that I am trying to loose weight. I read that obesity
can prevent one of getting pregnant. SO I have to loose 10% of my total
weight to increase my chances of being preggie.

Anyway, I believe Jesus timing is the best. And HE has given me the wisdom
to loose some weight and exercising has becoming easier..

Hubby lost a lot of weight, and he is my so called trainer.
Watched too much of Biggest Loser..

I sensed a breakthrough is going to happen sooon..
I waiting Lord..:)

Worship in New Creation Church Singapore

2009-05-27T11:56:00.003+08:00

Hubby had the desired to take a drive somewhere. He said let's take a drive to KL. I said sure!!! Me being the one who loves traveling leapt with joy. And my brains starts working out where should we go and what should we do. WE decided to visit Adeline and her family and all is set. There was a miscommunication with Adeline as she tot we were going last weekend as we are only going on the next. However, the changed of plan paved way to the drive down south instead.

I said."Ok, let's go to Singapore. I want to visit New Creation Church. The last I went was more than 6 years ago."

Hubby was reluctant as the Singapore Dollar exchange rate is crazily high. (S$2.43)
HE told me he doesnt have any cash to bring me. We can always go another time.

BUT I WANT TO GO, YOU SAID U WANT TO TAKE A DRIVE.. NOW WE CANT GO?!!!!!!!!!!
I shrieked like a 5 year old child. I stomped away angrily, not talking to hubby for at least a day.

"I'm sorry I can't bring you. I'm sad to see you sad," Hubby was apologetic.

There I go, with my WALL as high and wide as the WALL OF CHINA. I didn't even looked at hubby, and never mentioned a word. Just in my own ANGER, DISAPPOINTMENT, with Hubby, with myself..with GOD.

Lord, WHY are we still in LACK? WHY WHY WHY?????
I am supposed to live and enjoy abundant life. WHY WHY WHY?
A simple thing like going to SG can turn so ugly. And I question myself and Jesus..

I got a simple answer, "What can you ask more? A husband who loves JESUS."
There was no reply from me. I just have to be patient.

It was sad and frustrating. And its the same for hubby, I can see it on his face.

YET, I am a MULE..Stubborn headed. I am still wanting to go..
I want to receive from JESUS in NCC.

Jesus is my provider.!!!

In a blink of an eye

2009-05-27T11:44:00.002+08:00

Recently, been meeting up with schoolmates and also friends whom I was closed to during my younger days. During the meet-ups and chatters, half the things they mentioned seem to slip off my mind and it took me some time to recall the incident.

June told me last weekend, "Elina, on my 18th bday, you cycled to my house and we went to the park. You thanked me for bringing you to Christian camps and never stop encouraging you about Jesus. I will never forget that day."

I looked at her with the puzzled look on my face. I said I truly can't remember that.

Another good friend, Gary who said I was not there for him when he needed me most during the
split with his gf. I said really? I didn't know that I will be a stumbling block to people who are around me.

It saddens me to know that I wasn't there for him when he needed me most. After some self searching I realised that this memory lapsed of mine has begun at the tender age of 9 where I will mentally and emotionally block incidents, people that has hurt me in one way or another.

Even today, I cannot remember what have I done last 2 weeks but I will need a few minutes to search my memory bank to recall what has happened. This emotions makes me feel lost, unconnected to the outside word.

I feel like having autism which is self inflicted. The wall that I have built over the years has not only cost many good friendships, it has definitely separated me from the people who truly cares and loves me. Now, I am basically living in my own world. Where I will sleep through the challenges that come my way.

A breakthrough is needed in my life right now. Jesus told me, a breakthrough will happen soon and there is going to be pain. Where everyth that is not of Him will be shattered into pieces.

I am waiting Lord. Give me the strength and courage when this breakthrough happens.
I know I can trust in a GOD who loves me to bits and a Father who knows me before I was in formed in my mother's womb.

I surrender Lord, all of me, my past, my present and my future.

What a YEAR!!!!! 2008

2009-01-05T12:30:00.002+08:00

Wow.. That's the word to sum up 2008.
It has been a year of ups and downs. Breakthroughs, Miracles, Healing and so much more.
21 June 2008 was when I was officially married to Dino Felix. So now u can call me Mrs. Felix.. Hehehe Just joking.

As I tell many couples who plans to tie the knot and answering those who asked me how is married life? I would say, IT IS GOOD. It is good to be married and really, one of the best decision I've ever made in my life. Of course prior to getting married, I do get the jitters as in did I make the right choice? and Am I marrying too young? Many fiery darts have came our way to stop us from getting married. Poison letters to my parents and all that. Well, the bible said that 10000 may die on ur right and 1ooo may fall on ur right, but it shall not come near you. What a promise!! That's what I belived and experienced.

2008 also was the year we live together as husband and wife. Building our small and humble home together. Jesus is truly amazing, when He truly healed me from all emotional wounds and made me a better woman today.

We had our first Christmas tree together. Just a simple wish in my heart. How nice it would be if I have a tree glittering away in my hse. There!!!! Just a small whisper and I soon forgot about it drowning my thoughts with excuses and reasons, we are out of budget and so on and so forth. My husband surprised me with a tree the next day. Well, Jesus is good we got the tree and all the ornaments for free. How my Abba loves me...:) Thank you JEsus.

Hehehe this was the year that my cooking skills were put to test. My husband has been telling me that my cooking has improved over the months, so being the ambitious me, we invited 3 different groups of friends over to ur hse for luncheons and dinners. It was all good. All praise me for the culinary skills which I;ve adapted from Jamie Oliver's recipe..hehehe..

Towards the end of 2008, Jesus did something for a good friend which I know through my own strength I duno how to help him. But Jesus used me and my husband to pray with and for my brother and friend Samuel. How he is so precious to Jesus... The last week of December 08 was spent seeing how Jesus does speak and transform a live. Our Father who never leave us or forsake us. What a revelation. We witness ourselves how Jesus still performs miracles today.
:)

Im looking forward to 2009. A year we awaits to be pregnant with Asher.
A year of change and prosperity..A year of overflowing... A year I'm entering with such joy and gladness knowing I have my Father wacthing over me..

I'm highly favoured, deeply loved and greatly blessed.

Been Ages since I last posted

2008-03-19T11:46:00.002+08:00

I know its a silly thing to do over the net. But I did it anyway.
I googled my name and discovered a few things.
First, the links of blogs which my name was mentioned and
found many long lost friends.
Second, found my own blog which I have abandoned and
forsaken a period longer than I have thought.
Thirdly, found my name on a competition which I participated.
HEhehe..

Well, due to my long absence from the blogging world,
I am not too sure where should I start and where to even begin.
Let's start with what crosses my mind first and for those of
you who accidentally browse to this post,

"I AM GETTING MARRIED"

Hahha, I was officially registered on 29 February 2008.
And my big day will be on 21 June 2008. And the clock
is definately clicking away..:) There are so many things to
do and seriously am at a handful.

Oh, yeah, for the many months of absence, I am actually
working already in Malacca. A position which have never crossed
my mind or even intended to do, but I believe is His will for me.
The people here are nice and fun to work with..:)

What else? I have definately grown much spiritually,
emotionally and mentally. And even as I looked at the past
post, I realised how emotional I was and I am proud to say
that I am looking forward to a life that is full of excitement
and many more open doors ahead..

Alrite then, I will try to post as often as I can..
Cioa..

Life is a blessing.

Clowning for the weekend

2007-09-01T23:11:00.000+08:00

It has been ages since I last blog here. Despite having my own laptop and a car now, it just wont cross my mind to update my blog..:)

In Penang at the moment and my weekends are spent clowning and do not have much time to meet up with friends. After a long day work, you just want to take a shower and head straight to bed. Being away for a few days from Melaka has been good. And my heart belongs there even though I love Penang very much.

Since stopping clowning for the past 4 months, doing it again since weird and of course it brought back many memories. It's been good to see that Samuel's business is doing so well and the other clowns have improved so much. And they are all better than me already.. I cant sculpture a tortoise. Imagine that!!!!!

Other than that, I dont think I will come back to Penang any time soon..
Already then, Have a blessed Merdeka!!!!!

A day in coffee bean

2007-04-07T15:08:00.000+08:00

Woke up late this morning and went to Island Glades to have my brunch. The hailam chicken was good and I truly enjoyed it. Went to Starbucks in E-gate and the place is congested with people and I couldn't find a power point and I left for Queensbay mall.

I prefer the drinks in Coffee Bean as it's cheaper and tastier..:) Well, trying to finish my Chapter 1 and Chapter 2 of my thesis. Joseph wanted to go to Pc Fair and will leave here soon as I need to fetch him from Tg. Bungah. Guess, this afternoon I cant do much. Need to pick up Cheryl at 8 pm. Guess, I've found a permanent ministry here in Pg. Fecthing people..Hahaha..

Hmm, have a rather interesting weekend as I am alone here. Adeline is away in Langkawi painting faces..Hahaha..Peace and quiet here in Penang..

I am enjoying my thesis now. I hope its still not too late to put my full effort and concentration in it. Thank you Jesus for Your abundant favour and for giving me the pleasure of driving and using the laptop even though I dont own any of it YET...

Missing my Baby.....

Woke up with both my eyes swollen

2007-03-30T12:38:00.000+08:00

Yesterday I had a bad period cramp. Usually, on my first day of my womanly bleeding, I can withstand the pain and I only take pain killers if I cant stand the pain..Yesterday was one of the days that I feel my lower abdomen in such pain that I needed painkillers. I asked Cheryl, and she gave me Synflex, a bluish pill that I take without knowing that I am allergic to it.

When I opened my eyes this morning, I felt a puffiness that was not right on my face and I thought maybe I drank some water before dozing off last nite. When I tried to open my eyes, hmm...someth feels not right and I knew that the medicine gave me the allergy.

Went to the mirror to look at myself, and it was, "Oh Man. Not again." Cheryl gave me 2 Ponstan 3 years ago when we stayed together as housemates and the next morning I was unrecognizable as my face was double its size and my eyes was swollen till you see a MULAN me...Or shall I say I will get a role in SEPET 3. Argh..Imagined the shock of my housemates and I was the laughing joke of the day..And today was nothing like it.

I woke Adeline up to show her and she was shocked. I calmly told her it's ok..Nothing serious..
Went to see the doc and had to pay RM 25 as my student visit is already used up..Stupid doc..
Gave me a list of NSaid family of Aspirin that I cant take..Cos I am allergic to them..CAn u imagine? I am allergic to painkillers?

Ppl close in my life are pissing me off in many ways..Maybe is the stress that you feel extra sensitive...

I need to finish my thesis. It's holding me back way too long....
Thank You Jesus.
Anticipating this weekend in KL. I am sure my Daddy has something great installed for me. Of this I am sure. Thank you Jesus.

FEeling under the weather

2007-03-28T11:44:00.000+08:00

Feeling a little under the weather. Down with flu for the past 3 days nd saw the doc yesterday. spent the whole day sleeping as the medicine made me drowsie. Finished my first draft of Chapter 1 and prayerfully I will managed to edit my chapter 2 by tonite. Using Cheryl's laptop and she needs it by noon. Will try to finish as soon as I can.

Been rather crappy with Blessed due to stress and flu. Not fair to him I know but just cant help it. Will need to improve in the way I speak to him..:)

Looking forward to finish my thesis asap. My lecturer confidently said I can finish my thesis in 2 weeks time. I pray that it will come to pass. I want to graduate and finish everyth here.
Missing blessed and need to get a tissue as my mucus is causing my nose to itch..:)

I WANT TO GO TO REDANG by 13 April...NEED TO FINISH THESIS BY 10 APRIL.

Tick tok tick tok

2007-03-21T15:45:00.000+08:00

Time has been passing on so fast and when you just want to unwind and relax, you suddenly realised that it's time to finish up all unfinished work and you just cant seem to move that heavy bone. I recently told a friend how the peribahasa "Ringan Tulang" came about cos I can feel my bone is so heavy now. It's the total opposite of what Ringan Tulang means..

Missing Blessed so much and was hoping to finish everything before Lang Tengah Trip. The trip is in such a timing wheremy submission of thesis clashes. Oh, how I pray. I really want to be able to have fun and finish my thesis...

All talk and no work is no use..ARgh..Lord, help me....

A lazy day

2007-03-19T18:15:00.000+08:00

The wait for my Blessed bf was indeed worth it. We had a lot of fun eating and sight-seeing in this so called Pearl of the Orient. For Blessed, it was a holiday cum visiting me in my glum of doing my thesis. As usual, what can you do in Pg except to fill your guts with the mouth watering food. The stomach has no room for all the yummy-licious food that I want my Blessed to try.

The moment he stepped down from the bus till the day he stepped back on the bus, he never say, "Whew, so nice man..." Hahaha, it brought such joy to my heart as I see blessed enjoying his food. He finds it comical when I explain the food we are eating and how nice it is. He looks at me with this look in his eyes that seem to wonder how in this world this girl can love eating so much.

I brought him to Woodlands, an Indian restaurant in Market street. I ordered Sambar Vadhai which I absolute enjoy, and though it looks simple but it just melts in your mouth. The fusion of hot sambar and the aromatic herbs that accompanies it just blew away all your senses. Blessed saw mw with this look that says, Yummy. Even though he has the same thing on his plate, he took his spoon and scoup some from my plate. For a moment, I just stared at him. Then burst out laughing as I asked him why cant he eat from his own plate. He said, the way you eat seems like yours is better than mine. Hahhhaa..What a joke..

We spent a lot of time shopping for Him and visited some tourist places. It's been 5 years I lived here and can you believe I have not been to Fort Conwallis? ?Hahaha, ok, since blessed loves history, he enjoyed these places.. Penang hill was a waste of time and the nite scene in Pg amazes Blessed..:)

HAd fun eating with Adeline, Joseph and Jerry. Did a lot of fun things together and Pg feels different whn I have blessed with me. The food taste better. The places looks nicer and I guess that's why they say, everything around you disappear when you are so engrossed with your lover.

I'm waiting

2007-03-14T13:25:00.000+08:00

The day started early as I heard Dan rushing out for work and as he hurriedly showered and left the house. He was 1 and half hour late. I opened my eyes and took my hp and called my Blessed Dino. He was in the bus station buying a bus ticket to KL and then transit to Penang.

My heart leaping with joy as I switch on the Astto and log on to the laptop. Vowing to finish my first draft for my first chapter of thesis. My concentration level lasted for 45 mins only when I finally realised it was time for Oprah. Since I stayed in Joshua and Dan's place, Oprah has always been Adeline and my wake up show. Today show was not as emotional as the previous Oprah series.

Then, I count the hour and called Blessed again. He is reaching Kl and I got fed up with my thesis and took a short nap. Doesnt the time always passes by so slowly as we anticipate for something and good times always passes by so quickly that we hardly have any time to savour it? Yes, the waiting game..Argh..

Hmm, now sitting in the Pc room and trying to pass my time waiting for the arrival of Blessed. Another 2 hours to go and it seems like a long long time to wait..Yes...Wait....for the love of my life..

(Hahahahhaa, as I type this, my 'bulu-roma' also stand. Sorry guys, this blog is not meant to be a romantic fiction novel or some sort..Just a rant of a crazily in love girl who cant wait to see her boyfriend) Oh..I am such a hopeless case...

Satay

2007-03-12T22:33:00.000+08:00

Today was spent doing nothing as I cant sleep much during the nite. I guess this is due to the enormous stress that I am facing. Thesis need to be pass up on 9 April. At the moment, I just manage to do 2 and a half pages where as I need to come out with 60. I wonder how in the world I would be able to do that. By Your Grace Lord.

Had an enjoyable evening as I spent it with Daniel. We went Tesco for grocery shopping and he later brought me to eat some yummy-licious satay. Boy, it taste so good. Must bring Dino there when he comes to visit me this Wed. Can't wait to see him. Miss him so much.

Staying with Daniel and Cheryl has been fun. Its a very comfortable place to stay in with Astro and a pool where I take a dip once a while. The Astro of course is distracting but am enjoying it. Wakes up by 9am to catch the one hour Oprah Talk Show.

Currently, the Mat Rempit thesis that I am doing is killing me. Argh..I pray that I will be able to graduate. I dread to think of the future if I cant graduate..Phew, it send shudders to my spine when I think of it.

YOU can Do it Elina cos in Christ, nothing is impossible for Him.

Thesis is so hard to do

2007-03-11T21:47:00.000+08:00

I've been spending half the day on the computer and only came out with 2 pages on my introduction to my thesis. It's so hard to do. Hmmm, I pray that I will be able to graduate in time. I dont't want to let this thesis be a hindrance to the things that I want to do.

Changed the template of my blog and gave it a more uplifting look. I need that in my life rite now and I really really need a good long break after I finish my thesis.

I dont feel like studying anymore after my Masters and just to go out into the world to work..
In the uni alone and I guess I better make a move cos its getting late.

Hey, I am back

2007-03-09T21:29:00.000+08:00

I havent log on to blogger for so long and I cant remember my username and password. It took me awhile to figure it out. (letting go a sigh of relief)

I was just googling my name and to my surprise, my blog is in a few links of some friends. What made me put my face to the dusty pc screen was when I saw a PKA website with both my blog links. One is this and the other is my saja-saja blog in friendster. Phew, I wonder who was the detective that was behind the website..:) (I salute you.) I didnt even know PKA has a website. That shows how lost I am in the varsity.

Doing my thesis at the moment and the last time I checked the calender, I have less than 25 days to finish my thesis. Argh.......Arghhhhh.....

Hmm, Im meeting Jerry to to watch MEtrosexual soon..Will write more tmrw..Who reads my blog anyway??? Hmm, dun want to embarass myself since I know ppl can view me easier now..)

I shall be back

SIgh

2006-05-26T10:54:00.000+08:00

"My life is brilliant. My love is pure. I saw an angel. Of that I'm sure. "

This song is playing in my head as I type away on this old Pentium @ acer laptop. I am in a happy mood but my body ache. Hehhee,just told my woman boss that this will be my last day. As I am not interested to work anymore..

HE didnt call and neither did I. I really think that he is not going to call me anytime soonn...
Sigh....happy n upset at the same time. Sigh..Sound so lame..

More rants

2006-05-25T09:32:00.000+08:00

Many times I have tried stealing some time away to pen down my thoughts on this blog. I know that hardly anyone reads them but its more of a journal that I can retrieve anytime I want,provided this website doesnt shut down.

Something happened yesterday that was unforgettable. My first time taking the ferry over to Tev's place riding a bike. Had a pleasant conversation with an Uncle whose motor is just next to me. He has indirectly distracted me from the dizziness and nauseaness from the ferry ride.

Had our fav vegetarian 'chu cha' in Chai Leng Park and went for a walk in Carrefour. Checking out some Sony Ericson phone and I still like750i....Sigh.....when will it be in my hands?

Found out something that I never knew yesterday hurt me a lot. With people that I regard friendly, actually are the ones that such comments will come out from their mouth. Even though it has been a long time ago,it still affected me. I chose to rationalize the reason for him to say that and tried to console myself.

Nothing is more shocking to find out that actually a very trusted friend didnt believe in you in the first place. Telling you lies in order to physco you so you will come out of the pitt of depression doesnt help at all when you actually know its not sincere and a Lie is still a lie..
Argh...i cant think rationaly, I really cant.

Help me to see that things are different now. That all the things he said has a reason..I am so upset..

Test

2006-05-20T11:17:00.000+08:00

I am just testing this photo upload stuff..:)

Being touched

2006-05-20T10:23:00.001+08:00

I had an exhausted week. Had a long conversation with Tev last nite. Was so exhauted and can barely open my eyes. Was feeling really down and stressed due to so many things that has been going on.

From rushing from one place to the other to find the possible trigger and problems. I was merely expressing my concern and fears about somethings. Tev couldnt understand and giving me some solution, telling me to backup on certain things. I think I am just as confused and afraid of my actions and thoughts. Not sure what is right or wrong anymore.

He was very frustrated with me not telling him and is very worried with me. He doesnt want me to have any added pressure. I simply want him to listen to my rant rather than giving me a solution. Well, I feel very touched with his concern and I sense his genuinity. DEspite that, I fail to express what are the things that i fear and what I feel to him. I simply cant tell not because I dont want too...but rather just cant to translate my feelings into words.

At the end of the day, i shut my eyes knowing I am loved and cared, but on the other hand, i feel shitty knowing someone will wonder bout my troubles and not able to concentrate on the things at hand. Sorry Tev. I know u wont be reading this. Want to tell you this anyway...Thank you for caring for me..

Being touched

2006-05-20T10:23:00.000+08:00

At the wrong place n time

2006-05-19T10:59:00.001+08:00

Everything happens for a reason.Its ironic that you happenned to be there at the right time and seems to get involve in things which you will rather not. Hmm, not sure the timing is so right that I now acts as the medium for a lot of information.

This whole week has been really tiring and frustating. For starters, the earliest I get to sleep is past midnite. Have alwayst been a late sleeper but due to my internship, my working hours are freaking long. 9-6pm. By the time you reach home and past through the massive jam, you will be physically and emotionally worn out.

Been seeing Tevan nearly everyday because of a friend whom we are all concerned for.Sigh, at the moment, we are feeling so helpless at the moment. Hmmm, I pray that everything will work out fine.

Stressed up.

At the wrong place n time

2006-05-19T10:59:00.000+08:00

Dying Trades

2006-05-17T16:12:00.000+08:00

Today marks the 3rd day of my internship in Intact Communications, a magazine publishing house in Penang. My MA does not require me to do industrial training. Being the so called Responsible Malaysia youth who shouldnt be 'lepaking' around and to spend my semester break 'wisely',here I am as an intern to write for the magazine. Initially, I wanted to do design but it was not advisable as I do not have any design background.

Well, my first assignment was to write on Thai massage. My supervisor,aka ex housemates,Cheryl has edited my piece for more than 3 times already. Hahaha, for a beginner I dont think I did that bad la..

Something happened to a friend recently and I am quite upset about it. I hope he manages to get out of the depression.

Went out for interviews and in search of the dying trade of Penang. Managed to interview the traditional songkok maker. The traditional goldsmith and latern maker wanted me to come back next week.

My job here is getting exciting. Hahaha, at least I do not dread to come to work so much..

Been some time since I last blog...Just realised my title was Finding the Writer in me. Hopefully, by the end of this training, I will be able to write better...

:)

What's Wrong With Me?

2006-04-15T15:23:00.001+08:00

Lately, I have been getting lotsa comments on my age. Well, it all started when I accompanied my ex-teacher aka goodfriend to a chinese dinner with his other friends a few months back. Well, as we exchanged the usual formalities of introduction, and as the chinese cuisine was being served, the uncle or the some doctor working in Pantai Hospital asked me,

"So Elina, what are you doing now? Which form are you in?"

Dressed in a pink sun dress, I confidently said, "Oh, I am currently doing my Masters in USM."

His expression turned shocked as he was pouring the Chinese tea from the little tea pot. "Huh!!" he uttered. "I thought you in Form 3. You looked so young."

I flushed. I didnt know to take his remark as a compliment or an insult. I looked like a KID!!!!! Argh....

Well, the I brushed off the episode with the excuse that this senile old surgeon with thick glasses must have suffered serious cornea problem.

Just last week, I took my Samsung hp to the service centre for some repair. Well, the girl behind the counter took my name, ic and address. She was like, "Oh, you are from Melaka?"

I simply smiled and said, "Yeah. I am studying here."

Our kay-poh friend probe further. "Oh, which secondary school are you in?"

I replied as a matter of factly, "I am studying in USM." with my eye spying on whatever information she is scribbling on some form.

"Oh, you in your first year?"

I said, "No. I am doing my Masters."

"You look so young." She stopped writing and looked up at me. "You have baby face."

I am not sure whether is she putting her words nicely whereas to say, you have chubby or round face.

With that statement, I went all the way home to change into something more feminine and mature.

With the intention of cutting my hair, I went to a Salon in Prangin Mall. As the kady washes my hair, we exchanges small talk like what kinda shampoo are you currently using? (She is trying to get me to buy some expensive shampoo)

"How old are you?" she asked while giving my scalp a good scracth and massaging my head.

"24," I answered while my fingers flipping through some glossy female magazines.

"Oh, you looked so young. I thought you are like in your teens. the oldest also 20"

I just smiled...and in my head was like... WTF s wrong with everyone? Or was it just me?

When the creative hairstylist came over, I told him to give me a new hair style...
And hence, after an hour sitting down there with him cutting and cropping my long hair...Now, I have less than shoulder length hair..

With the image that stares back at me, I now look like a 15 year old girl, I just need to put on the blue uniform....and trust me....I look 15 without a doubt..:)

Now I look more like my mum in my short hair...

What's Wrong With Me?

2006-04-15T15:23:00.000+08:00

Sitting in Se Ra's Room

2006-01-24T12:15:00.000+08:00

Se Ra is my 12 year old Korean student. She has been here for about 7 months and has been attending Dalat International School here in Penang. I started teaching her English just 3 weeks ago but 4 hours per session and 3 times a week. At first teaching 3 hours in a row is crazy and now I am enjoying it. All my creativity is squeezed out of me so both she and I wont get bored with each other. Yesterday we made Jumucpap, a Korean delicacy which is like rice balls. Currently she is lying on her bed writing an essay on the steps of making the dish..Hehehe, here I am blogging away with my borrowed laptop. (She is complaining that I am mean cos I asked her to write the steps of making the dish..)She just glared at me..:) and whined.. Hmm, having a laptop is so convenient. Anyone reading this and wants to get me a birthday, an obvious hint for you. Yeah, she is now saying she is having headache..(Hahahhaa, excuses) Yeah, my last day of teaching her. A hectic day is waiting for me today, after tuition I have group discussion for my Film production and later 2 more appointments and one more tuition at 8pm...Hmm, at least tomorrow I am more freee.... Cant wait to go back to Melaka.

Its 2006!!!!!

2006-01-23T22:57:00.000+08:00

How 2005 came and gone...
I know this is a late entry...

I have been so busy that I hardly have the time to sit down and blog.
Well, 2006 has started on the rite note een though it has been a tiring and roller coaster ride for me emotionally and spiritually throughout 2005..

I am glad I started with the Author of my life. I have been gaining so much experience this month alone..I gained experienced with teaching Se Ra a 12 year old Korean girl. At first, teaching 4 hours of English straight was definately a chore and difficult.
Now, I enjoy my 4 hours with her and its sad that tomorrow will be my last day.
Hmm, promised her a gift if she get all correct for her english spelling tomorrow..
Aww..I miss her already..

Well, wat else, oh yeah, I did clowning for Digi roadshow.3 days in a row. Damn tiring but was a good experience. How to talk to the kids and physco them.,..hahaha

SO lost

2005-10-17T11:16:00.000+08:00

I dont know how many actually reads my blog. But I will write anyway. Sorry for all those ranting on how sad my life is and never actually looking at the things that HE has laid out for me.

Straying from the path is a real painful experience. When you are lost out there and there seem like no other way out, you just feel so lost. Every other steps taken are of your own will and understanding and of course by your own strength.

I long to sit at His feet again. Just listening and doing nothing. I long for the drink that He offered at the well that once you drinkit, you will never thirst again. I long for the closeness....and yet everything seems so far away.

This is one hell of a lost track......I am so LOST..

It's weird

2005-09-26T16:42:00.000+08:00

It's weird when everyone around you tells you that you are different.
It's weird when all the friendship that you once shared has turn sour.
It's weird when you saw your ex fling at a wedding dinner.
It's weird when the ppl you trusted gave up on you.

It's weird when you also agree with what others say about you.
It's weird when you still dont give a shit.
It's weird when you are so sad inside but smilling to the world.
It's weird when you feel so alone in this world.

It's weird when everytime you blog you are sad.
It's weird when u love somebody, that person just doesnt care.
It's weird when you give your all, all u receive is ignorance.

It's weird to feel what I am feeling right now..

I miss blogging

2005-09-05T23:06:00.000+08:00

To my friends who read my blog.....

I miss you guys and I misss blogging..

hahaha...no more working in Dell and no more 10 hrs free net connection..
hahhahaa...sian sian sian...

will be back in action soon...

Graduation Is near

2005-08-08T14:51:00.000+08:00

My dearest Friends who read my blog regulary. My apology for not updating this blog as regularly as I used to as I am busy with my masters programme.

Had a hectic weekend and am predicting the next weekend will be the same. Family and friends will be coming for my graduation on fri and well, u are all invited to come.

Well, things are well and fine over here. I am enjoying my course and the thought of not going to class are not often..:) hehehe....And well, I am also teaching a 15 year old one to one tuition. I am teaching Bm..Hehehe, not too bad. 2 more months to her exam, and I am keeping my fingers crossed that she will at least pass...

Alrite then, I'm tired, will write again soon,.

Lost my hp

2005-07-14T15:10:00.000+08:00

Argh, I cant help it. I am so dumb and careless. Can u imagine I lost my hp in the cinema?Argh, I wonder how War of the World has any connection with my losing of hp.

Now, not only I need to answer to my sister cos the hp is hers. And I will need to get a new hp for my usage. Now, all I use is tehepathy,..hahhaha...Or should I resort to Walkie-Talkie.
Wanted to blog about my Sabah trip, but I my lost hp is really bugging me..
argh..

My second last day in DHelll

2005-06-28T16:43:00.000+08:00

The excitement is getting to me and the joy and the freedom that will come after tmrw is overwhelming. Yes, I am leaving this shite hole.. I will miss the money of course, but i will definately not miss the early waking up and the going home late. The 10 hours sitting here talking to crappy Aussies and Kiwis.

I feel so bad for feeling so happy to leave, cos Rosie is so sad and pls do read her blog..Hahahhaa, touching man. Didnt know I will leave such an impression with the people and friends that I've met here. Yup, wont forget Shakila, Rosalind, SL, Wielyn, Joanne, Paul, Julian, Ed, Huey Ling and of course my apprentice, JEssica..

Nevertheless, I believe the friendship that I've build here will last a long long time..

Cheeerss

Conquered Pg Hill

2005-06-26T10:42:00.000+08:00

The day started with a wake up call by Tevan at 5.40 am. Argh, how my body refused to be awaken and I dragged myself outta the bed. I had so much fear of climbing cos I am afraid I jsut cant make it to the top.

Well, Tevan came around 6.10 am and we went for a drink at Kayu. After having some bananas for breakfast, we went back to my apartment for Rowena to pick us up. We picked up Percey on the way and he looked different. Mayb he has aged a little or was it just the hair. Had some catching up and we started our hike at Moon Gate. The reason it's called Moon Gate cos there was an arch there which looks like a moon..Hahhaa..Farnee...

The four of us walked up so many stairs and phew, it was managable because of the constant BJ hill hike. After about 45 minutes, we reached Number 5. The place is nice and I've always wanted to come to this site. Me n Rowena always hiked youth PArk until number 3 only. Well, we then walked through more jungley trails and got some fantastic views. The haze was really bad and we couldnt see much. After another hour of hike, we stopped at another pit stop called number 84. Phew..There was this tar road that leads to Pg hill...

The tar road was the worst for me cos I really hate to hike up tar road and it was very steep. The extimated time to reach PG hill from here is about 1 and half hour with our speed. Just slow and easy kind. Thank God Tevan gave a push when I felt like my leg cant carry me anymore. The sight of old bungalows was our only consolation to stop and take a breather.

The last few steps up to the Police Station of Pg hill was one of the hardest. Argh the joy of reaching is fantastic. Hehehe, we all sat and had a drink. Rested a while and continue to the Canopy Walk. The walk in took us another 30-40 mins. It was thrilling and scary at the same time as I am afraid of heights.

WE took another breather and enjoyed the beautiful colonial bungalows and Uncle PErcey showed us the bungalow where his father passed away 21 years ago. It was not as scary as it sounds...the bungalow just looks run down.

The hike down was tiring as well, the tar road was so steep and well my legs doesnt seem to brake well...hehehhe....well it was a long way back...and we took about 3 hours to hike up and slightly less than 3 hours to come down. Can hardly feel my legs anymore...

Oh yeah, remember the guy who got lost in Youth Park and died after 3 days. We heard more stories from the caretaker of 84 pit stop...hmmm.....lazy wanna share here...hehehe..

Well, after 7 hrs and 45 mins we went for our lunch in BAngkok Road for mee goreng and I cant wait to go home and sleep. Took a shower and fell asleep. I was not surprised to feel all the ache when I was awake. Went over to Tevan's place to watch Top 10 English songs on Astro where his band performed. Richard and Kanan came to watch together as well..

WE then went for a drink and had our dinner...Slept at 12.30...Took activfed...hehehe....sleepy

FRiday's ADventure

2005-06-26T10:16:00.000+08:00

It's Sunday and I am working, not complaining because this will be my last Sunday working here and trying to earn some extra money before I leave this place.

Friday nite was spent wisely, after work went to Bj with Joshua, Rowena and Tevan. Joshua bought a brand new hp. Then, we had dinner at the "Pak Bang's" place near Rowena's house to have dinner. Rather dissapointing the dinner. Cos not very nice and expensive.

Met up with Rosalind, Wilson, and Huey Ling at Super Tanker. Then we went for Bowling and it was fun. With Ming Yu pretending dunno how to bowl, till he surprised us all with his style and efficiency. HAhahha, had a great time laughing at each other silliness.

Huey Ling escaped the Teh Tarik deal cos Mama Rosie treated us Sega's. I like the place. Cozy and nice enviroment. Tc boy came and join us as well...Huey Ling still owe us all teh tarik cos she got the lowest points...hahahhaha Farnee...

Rosalind came back with me to my house and waited for Ben..Hahhaa, she got to see my room and some of my photos. A long day....

WTF!!!!!!!!!!

2005-06-24T12:28:00.000+08:00

Rosalind is eating at my cubic at the moment.

I saw the pen that Hummerest gave cos it was cracked...

Then Rosalind noticed that the pen is from a hotel..

I went online to search and true enough, its from THE PALACE hotel in AFrica..

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH...

Such cheapskate BEYOTCH....Hahhahahahhah

Now, we realised some got Coaster from the hotel and some tooth pick kinda thing...
The post card one CMG got also was from the hotel...

Wah liew..Wat kinda person who kebas things from the HOTEL???????Some more she is top sales....EArn about 10K at least a month..Muahhahahhaa

ARgh,hehehehhehehe.....now my Tail is wiggling, my ears are coming up....the devil in me is coming up....

Hmm...maybe I will sing her a stupid song on the phone before I leave...

Hummerest Gave me a Gift

2005-06-24T12:02:00.000+08:00

I learnt my lesson of mot saying bad things about others.

You will be shocked at what you are going to read.

I was just complaining how this particular Sales Rep in my work place pisses us off all the time.
Well, Sha and I refere to her as the HUMMEREST. The reason being she wil hum songs when we are transfering a call to her.

Well, she went to Africa for a company's trip and she bought a present for me. A pen. I was shocked to receive a present from her and I asked Ros whether did she give to everyone? Ros had a gift as well, we laughed nonstop when we found out that she didnt give to everyone.
The rest got a piece of chocolate today. One CMG got a postcard, some got picks....and the rest are just choclate..You wouldnt believe that my gift has my name on it.

I did thank her for the gift. I never knew she noticed me in the office. I think she has not met me before also. Well, hmmm...guess my humming plan to her on my last day of work has to be cancel.....SHucks

My Ex Bf

2005-06-22T14:06:00.000+08:00

Argh...My ex bf called and pissed me off today. My hp rang....

Ex: "Eh, how is your mum?"

Hmm...Why the heck he wants to know about my mum?

Me: "Why you wanna know?"

Ex: "Eh, just tell me how is she la?

Me: "She is fine."
Hmm..who told him my mum had a surgery?????? I wondered.

Ex:"Just tell me how is she?"

Me: "How you know?"

Ex:" I've got my resources. What happened to her?"

Me: "I wont tell you until you tell me how you know?"

Ex: "Got la, I just know. "What surgery?"

Me: "No, I wont tell you until you tell me who told you."

Ex: "i told you already, people told me."

(How the heck he knows cos who can be the people, only family members knew about the surgery..and ppl not related to him knew)

ME: "Nope, I wont tell you till you tell me who told you."

Ex: "Dont be childish and tell me. Im working here la."

Me: "I'm also working wat?!"

Ex:"What surgery?"

Me: "Tyroid. How you know? tell me tell me."

Ex: How come can get thyroid wan?

ME: What you mean how come? What a stupid question. Just like asking why got appendix, why got cancer, why got brain tumor..how would i know?

Ex: Yeah la..Must have reason wan la..So u going back to visit her?

ME: not yet...How u know? Tell me.

Ex: Godd (in a sarcastic way)

ME: Eh, pls..Tell me tell me tell me

Ex: (laughed) Goddddddddd, Goddddd Godddddd

ME: yeah yeahyea....Ok la..I dun wnat to talk to you already..
bye.

I cant remember what he said..

The reason of this blog is that EX's SUCKS.....
Second thing is if he knows i Have a blog..and found out about mum's surgery...through my BLOG>.(Chances are not)
And the thing is I want he to know he is ANNOYING...

HELP ME TO FORGIVE AS YOU HAVE FORGIVE ME LORD>>>>>

PRAYER OF A CLOWN

2005-06-22T14:02:00.000+08:00

Lord as I stumble through this life,
Help me to create more laughter than tears,
dispense more happiness than gloom,
spread more cheer than despair.
Never let me grow so big that
I will fail to see the wonder in the eyes of a child
or the twinkle in the eyes of the aged.

Never let me forget that I am a CLOWN...
that my work is to cheer people up,
make them happy,
and make them laugh,
make them forget,
at least for a moment,
all the unpleasant things in their lives.

Never let me jeopardize the integrity
of clowndom by improper conduct.
Help me to always make others
proud of my actions as a clown.
Never let me acquire financial success
to the point where I will discontinue
calling upon my Creator in the hour of plenty.
And LORD, in my final moment,
may I hear YOU whisper:
"When you made MY PEOPLE smile,
you made ME smile-

- Author Unknown

I missed Batman

2005-06-22T08:55:00.000+08:00

Was supposed to watch Batman at 12.40 am with the gang cos Danile finishes work at 11 pm. Well, After hiking up BJ hill with rowena, I was supposed to go home and catch a couple hours of sleep. Then, Samuel came over to my place and we had dinner. He passed me my money for last 2 Sunday's clowning. Yeah, I have money now. He later taught me 3 card tricks and I remember only 2 of them. Still need to practise....

Well, I am sad cos I missed Batman, and PPK my friends. I know Im gonna get it from them. Sigh..Today I'm having dinner with friends from work, banana leaf rice which has been long overdued.

What should I blog today? I just cant wait to finish work and lepak gila-gila. And well, I'm still contemplating whether to get the KODAK V530 digi camera or not. I reallly like it though. Hmm sigh..

Mum had a minor surgery 2 days ago. Dad called and said she is ok already. I didnt call her till today. Maybe later, If not sure she will feel sad...Today is oging to be anothe rlong day at work..Can you imagine its only 9 am....argH?

It's Thurday..How I wish its FRIDAY

2005-06-16T13:00:00.000+08:00

Had a good dinner and it was a cold nite man, kena rain when I rode back home. Hmm, sakit kena the heavy rain drops. Thank God I had my umbrella..

This was taken from 'Bright n Shine" today. I was just browsing through my blog, and I came across this. Aduh. For those of you who are not familiar with me, I ride a motorbike. Hahaha, how in the world can I ride with an umbrella? Farnee. It's ironic isn't it, everytime you associate yourself with rain, the next thing that comes to your mind will umbrella. the above post, should have been "rain coat".

Did I mention that my wisdom tooth is growing? I can see half the teeth coming out, and it sure hurts like hell. With ulcer and gum swollening. Phew, what Wisdom!!!!
A colllegue just told me that she has 3 wisdom teeth already, and it's not painful. I asked her why, she said her mouth too big. Thats a good one..

Argh, in a real crazy mood. Talk to much already. Maybe because Wielyn has left Dhell, and there is not many ppl to chat with.....

Tune playing in my head...(Lonely, I'm so lonely...) by AKon

Delivery Woman

2005-06-16T11:13:00.000+08:00

I've just got myself a new job. Since this will be my last month in Dhell, my fellow collegues has appointed me to be the delivery woman. U must be thinking that I'm delivering computers, no you are wrong.

Well, today, I decided to go out for my break, as I've not been out for quite some time. Since Shakila left, no one goes out with me already. All too 'kiasu' to go out, scared cannot find parking. So, today, since I was in a rather bright mood, decided to go out, I msn Rosalind asked her what she wants to eat. So she told me lor. Then, by 9.45 am, I am receiveing all kinds orders from various people. I had to write down what they wanted. By 10 am, (thats my break time), someone grab my hand and asked, "Where are you going?". I said, "Jln tengah." "Eh, pls buy for me," whined one person with the Puss in the boots look. So I said ok.

There in my list,

Huey Ling- Economy Rice with 1 vege, 1 egg and tofu.
Siow Kheng- Been hoon 1, bee hoon+kuey teow 1
Lew Kee- Bee Hoon + mee 1
Wayne-2 packets of fried rice, sms again add one more packet
Rosalind- 1 chicken rice, 1 duck rice
Tc- 1 chicken rice
James-Set B, chicken rice
Hai yu- Set A, chicken rice

I am so glad all the fruits stall are not open. I cant imagine getting another fruit list in my hand. Of all days, I wore my slacks and looked quite formal. USually I'm clad in t-shirt n jeans. Hahahha, even the famous drink fella laughed at me, wah....(EAt Ho lia. Ta pau so many)
I muttered a "Ha" and walked to my bike. With both my hands full, I had to figure out, how to put all the polysterene in my small basket. Some I had to hold cos not enough place.

What started as Bright n Shien, now ended up with one sore arm and shoulder blade..
Dont get me wrong, am not complaining, (I'm not TEVAN)....Just a farnee day....

Enjoy babe..Did I also mentioned, i didnt finish my "Teh PEng" .....

Bright n shine

2005-06-16T08:31:00.000+08:00

I woke up before my alarm rang and was hoping and squezing my eyes real hard hoping that I have another hour to sleep. I was wrong, nevertheless, pull myself outta the bed and came to work.

Hmm, feel extremely hyperactive today. Maybe I had enough of sleep.
Just took one call, customer looking for Etx 75696....I ask which department is that, he said quotation department. (LOL) So bodoh. There is no such department man..

Anyway, hmm....Ate so much yesterday. More than RM 10 just for dinner and thats only for me. Felt so guilty cos Tevan paid somemore. Hahhaha, shucks will get this for the next 3 years down the road for eating mor e than RM8.50...Had a good dinner and it was a cold nite man, kena rain when I rode back home. Hmm, sakit kena the heavy rain drops. Thank God I had my umbrella..

Thinking of blogging someth different for a change. Not so much of my daily lives but someth different. Not decided yet..Any ideas any1?

Mr. & Mrs. Smith

2005-06-15T08:05:00.000+08:00

Rushed home from work and joined Daniel, Joshua and Rowena for hiking. Phew, with the guys in the group, they set a standard for us to catch up. They were on a steadily fast speed. Me and Rowena had to throt behind them and we managed to be up the hill in less than 20 mins. Our usual hiking time is about 25 minutes. Joshua felt nauseated after the climb and we had a good laugh at him after he was feeling better.

Well, Daniel came over and took a shower at my house and picked up Rowena and Joshua soon after. We collected our movie tickets and our dinner plan has to changed cos we didnt have enough time to eat at the malay place. So we ended up eating KFC. It was yummy though..

Mr. and Mrs. Smith was ok only. I find it abit too slow and am looking forward to watch Its all about love but Asthon And Amanda Peet. Hmmm, well, had a tiring day. Slept well last nite as I didnt sleep so much also.

When I came to work this morning, it was raining and was partially wet cos only certain area rained. Im glad I came in earlier as it was pouring when I came in. Hmm, what should I do today. Dont have enough time for me to do all the things I wanna do man.

So far away...

2005-06-10T11:38:00.000+08:00

My heart is heavy laden, my spirit is down.
There is nothing that I can do to make this emotional roller coaster stop.
A want to put a full stop. U know just pull of the trigger or something.

It has been very tiring and hurting for both parties I pressume.
Sigh, I wish I really wish and pray that I will get out of this SHIT HOle soon.
I'm so unstable at the moment, with so many things in my heart, the dreams that I've long forgotten. The passion I used to have. Now there is no dream, there is no passion....

Just a lost person in this so lost world. There is nothing to grip or hold on too except my personal saviour. Who seem so far away........

8 June

2005-06-08T15:30:00.001+08:00

hmm, nothing significant about the date above. Its a Wednesday, and its just like any other
Wednesdays I've had. Well, today is Tevan's final paper and he has already sat for it and went home. Wont be going out with him as he must be exhausted.

Hmmm, been more than a month since I last met him and well, we do communicate over sms n phone calls. He being so stressed up has made it difficult to share a decent conversation. It has been better over the past one week.

Been ages since I last pen down my two cent thoughts. Well, here I am, wasting my time in Dhell and reading pathetic emails sent by managers regarding more rules and shit like that. Farnee, how it didnt seem to have any effect on me anymore. I jsut dun give a crap. Leaving here in 2 and half weeks time. Happy to leave this shit hole but miss the friends that i've made here..

Hmm, heard from a friend that Mount Kinabalu is 5 times worst than BJ hill...and trust me, if u have climb BJ hill, its torturoues..ARgh...I wonder how i will manage man..Cant think about it.

Was sick the whole of yesterday and had a flat tyre again. Now i really phobia want to ride bike d. Argh..LORD, Give me a car pls...

Training up that muscles

2005-06-03T08:15:00.000+08:00

The past one week has been a hectic me for me. With so many plans and activities that has been going on, I didnt manage to get enough of sleep. Went to catch a movie with Chooi Fong and Pig HEad on Tues. Had a late nite. The next day when I wanna take my nap after work, i dragged myself to go hiking with Rowena in BJ hill. Killer....

Then rushed off to Suki's Steamboat for SL and Kevin's farewell. It was a fun nite. With so many of us there, had fun laughing our hearts out.

Hmm, went to Botanical Gardens for our exercise as it rained beofre we reached Youth Park. WE decided to do a light exercise and it was good. Then went to gobble up on Nandos and checked out some cameras which I like. Anyway, slept at 10.30 pm..Still feel tired

My leg muscle hurts man..

Flying of to Sabah

2005-05-30T12:59:00.000+08:00

My tickets are booked and ervything is confirmed. I will be flying off to Sabah on the 2 July to 9 July. I booked my tickets last week and Rowena suddenly said she wants to go also. So she just confirmed her tickets which was double of mine today. We also book the flight back from KLIA to PG. So, it's flying all the way.

I am so excited as there is at least someoen who will be climbing mount Kinabalu with me. So we can at least practise and train together. Semanagat a bit. Phew. Cant wait to quit my job and go for a holiday and a break. I need to knoe my master's application results. Still no news. Sigh.. I need to know man..

Alrite then, it has been a rather relaxing day. Pig Head came over last nite and ate my chocolate..Yikes..:) We spent some time together la. Me n Shelley and Pighead. WE have a new project, me and pighead...:) We want to paint someting and hang it on the wall. Now I must start browing through some graphics for me to cetak rompak. At least there is something for me to look forward too.
Alrite then, written enough for today..Chioz..

Aiya

2005-05-29T12:33:00.000+08:00

tak jadi..

eh, aaron, teach me how to put a pic like urs and u can write something about it wan..hahaha
Im so lost in the world of IT..:)

Trying out

2005-05-29T12:19:00.000+08:00

just trying out how to post picture on this blog..:)

http://i5.photobucket.com/albums/y153/elina_g/KevnEL.jpg

Weekends

2005-05-29T12:07:00.000+08:00

I had a rather long weekend, this is because I was on Mc on Friday and spent the whole day sleeping my life away. Been thinking about myself again and well, I wondered where ELina Goh went? The fun can carefree girl I used to be. Sigh..Now, I dun like the person I've become...Over sensitive and building up more walls then ever.

I was browsing through Salvation Bookstore and there was a few books that I really would like to get hold on. Shucks, I didnt have the money as my pay is not in yet. I cant wait to get those books to read and improve myself..I spent 5 hours with Rowena in the salon to cut and dye her hair. Phew it was definately tiring not doing anything but just sitting down there.

We went to collect her brand new kelisa frrom the shop and I got the priviledge to drive it first because she doenst dare to. HEhee, there I was driving a brand new Kelisa and it sure does feel good man. too bad it wasnt mine. Slept very early last nite cos I was dead tired.

Had a few nightmares and I work up sweating a couple of times. I thought I heard some noise in my house in the wee hours of the morning. Was too tired to bother. hmm, I wonder what was tat.

Anyway, I need money..ARgh...I need to buy some toiletries........

I miss home more than ever.

Keep My Focus

2005-05-15T09:59:00.000+08:00

Someone asked me Am I happy? It's so weird. I couldnt answer. Such a simple question yet so difficult. Would it be a yes or would it be a no. It got me thinking. I've not been happy in a long time. Gone are the days when nothing seems to worry you and you just live one day at a time.

I wonder how growing up has made you cover yourself with more mask then ever before. I am actually putting up more walls then I should and its killing me inside. I dont know, this self protection is shutting me down from people that I love and care about. This self defense also made me behave opposite from my true self.

What is my true self? Who is the real Elina? Am I a pleaser? A follower? A friend? A person?
I need to find my own identity. It's ironic because just whe you thought you know who you are, the world will again question your being with all the life challenges..I',m so caught up with the things around me and I never ask myself what do I want?

I've always thought for others and I've not actually think for myself. And I agree that putting others first before yourself is a goo thing. But the thing is I neglect my own well being and that is not healthy. The bible says, Love neighbour as you love yourself. But, I do not love myself.

I know its hard to believe this because its so easy to love yourself. Hmm..I am always underestimating myself....I need to find my identity. Who I am inside and my identity in Christ.

Should I or should I not?

2005-05-10T12:01:00.000+08:00

At the moment, I am wondering whether did I make the right decision by wanting to stay in Penang after my graduation. Now, I am doubting my choice. I am not sure whether this is where I should pursue my studies or just pack and go home. And that's what I've been wanting to do.

The friends and people around me are not helping with my confusion at all. Someone just shouted at me yestderday nite for being so emotional and how do I explain the confusion and turmoil I feel inside. I myself dunno what's YEsgoing on in me. And all I could do is just keep quiet because my mind is blank. There is no point answering all the questions directed to me cos there were no answers. I just feel melancholic that's all. I couldnt do anything else and I just cried because no one undestands me. I cried. In the middle of the nite and was awaken by a phone call. I cried. Sounds pathetic yeah.

Nevertheless, as I woke up this morning with both my eyes swollen. I ask myself again, do I really want to stay in Penang? I still cant find the answer.

Well, sitting here all alone with No Shakila to chat and laugh with...So bored..

Tribute to Shakila

2005-05-09T16:43:00.000+08:00

Well, the day started with a heavy thunderstorm and I couldnt go to work. I sms-ed Shakila at 7 am to ask her to give me a lift. The rain was really heavy and it was congested all the way to work. We were 10 mins late and this is the first time ever that I was late.

Our KFC cravings took the better of us and we drove to get Colonel's original and curry chicken. ANd we were again late to come back cos we couldnt find a parking. And we didnt give a darn anyway.

Sigh, Shakila's last day and I will be here all alone for the next 2 months. Kinda sad to think about it. No more fren to eat with and talk nonsense. Well, hope to befriend the newbies so my work wouldnt be so boring.

Sigh..So tired...had an argument with Tevan last nite. It was not even an arguement. Just didnt feel like talking to him cos I was just pissed la...

I dont know what's up with me these days. Easily pissed and I am becoming worst and worst. I need to go home soon...

OOops this is supposed to be for Shakila...Hehehe..You will definately be missed..:)

Why is it when you find the answers you lose the reasons?

2005-05-06T12:05:00.000+08:00

Why is it when you find the answers you lose the reasons? (Shakila R.)
WEll said Shakila..:)

Hmm, that's exactly what I've been feeling for the past two weeks. So many questions in my mind, and when I try to find the answers, I lost the reason in doing so. And the next question is.. NOW WHAT????

I think the NOW WHAT? question is much more confusing and depressing to think about. It requires you take take the next step and what are you going to do about it. ANd there you will go cracking your already crazy head and having to make the decision that will change everyth. And I hate to be in the thinking mode. I will go depress and start making assumptions and pressumations...Whatever you call it. ARgh....

Well, it has been a tiring one month as I've been working the 6 am shift. I am physically, emotionally and spiritually tired. It has been a real hectic week for me cos the call rates in Dell is crazy as they had promotion. And well, its Saturday and I am working. I didnt have much time to blog cos have to asnwer all those freaking calls. Anyway, today is rather relaxing as there are not many calls and I am thankful for that.

Feel like going home and I definately need to go home. I've not been home since CNy and tats about 3 months plus and I think this is the longest that I've been away from home. Its a wonder how familiar faces and surroundings can just recharge you........

Slept early

2005-04-28T11:55:00.000+08:00

I have been sleeping rather early these days cos there is nothing to do and I've been feeling weak. WEll, took a swim last nite and had the whole pool to myself as it was around 8pm. It was a great place to soothe and relax my body and mind. Then, took a long shower and started changing channels of the tv set. There is nothing worth watching these days moreover I dont have ASTRO. ARgh....

Anyway, mum called and ask whether I will be going home this weekend. She doesn't know that working in d(h)ell means you will need to work on a Public hol. Sigh sigh. I hope to be bakc this weekend. I'm not sure. Hmmm, let's just hope I can go back soon.

WEll, I'm having the pulling feeling on my head again. Sigh sigh..I'm not sure whether its the inconsistency of my working hours, staring at the pc too long or listening on the headphone for 9 hours. I really need to find out as I dun want my headache to get worst.

My Big Boss just came..MD of DEll...hehhehee....Dun care la .... And I heard it's raining heavy outside..:) yeah yeah...Hope by the time I go back, it will be dry already..So I wont need to get wet.

Got soaked in da rain

2005-04-27T14:31:00.000+08:00

Weather: Cold all day long ( d(h)ell Igloo )

I slept real early last nite as I was not feeling well. I'm not sure what's been going on with me. Been so sick....Either kena jangkit frm Shakila....(lol) or simply I'm over exhausted with work. Been having this funny headache which comes and goes and I just dont want to take any medication as I dont want to be addicted to Panadols.

Hmm, waking at 5.10 am in the morning has been a norm even though I still find it difficult to wake up and drag myself outta the bed. Yucky. Tevan called me at 5.15am and I heard the thunder. I quickly washed up and rushed out of the house hoping to miss the rain. Well, I was really praying that God will hold the rain, as I was just 5 minutes away from Dell, the rain was pouring and there was no point to stop. I was wet and it was freezing cold to walk into the office. To my dismay, the rain stopped just before I reach my office.....

What else to write? Oh yeah, cant wait to go home on 21 May. been away for more than 3 months or more..I think this is the longest since I've not been home. Actually, I do not know who is reading my blog and I am sure its just a handful of people..Well...what the heck........

I am feeling SICK again................................

Reflection

2005-04-25T06:51:00.000+08:00

Look at me
I will never pass for a perfect bride
Or a perfect daughter
Can it be
I'm not meant to play this part?
Now I see
That if I were truly to be myself
I would break my fam'ly's heart
Who is that girl I see
Staring straight
Back at me?
Why is my reflection someone
I don't know?
Somehow I cannot hide
Who I am
Though I've tried
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside?
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside?

Hmm, this is one of my fav disney songs and it has been on my mind since I am reflecting about my life and what I should do about it.

Again and again, Im so confused and I am not sure what's my next step. Or I shall say I do not dare to take the action as I ought to. Despite many advises from friends who care, I'm stil holding on unto someth that doesnt belong to me.
Do I need to short change myself and put myself lower than any scum on earth? Can I accept the changes if I go ahead with my decision? I dont know.

Actually, I wish I have another option, another way out. At the moment I cant think of any but to retrieve, to step back. To entangled myself from the emotion web that I've caught myself into, I need a way out. I dunno how, would I just stay entangled and being eaten by big black Spidey? Or would i rather cut myself from the web and fall deep unto watever is down there.. I dunno...Yet, at this moment, I'm willing to do anyth drastic....As I am in deep pain....yes....a hurt taht not many can identify.........

Sigh...I wish I would not have to take the path that my mind is nagging me to take. I told myself, wait, its not time yet..Wait...a little more...just a little more...Just a little more ....

The more I waited, the more entangled I am in this web.....The more I struggle, the more I am entangled. All I want to do now, is just to be still..and think...
Wat's the next step...U see I'm contradicting myself again........Sigh...Just a little more time...

Do keep me in your prayers..I need it.....................

Sickly Weekend

2005-04-25T06:37:00.000+08:00

The whole of last week has a lot of ups and downs or shall I say mostly down. So many things happening in work place and the shitty politics here in d(h)ell sucks big time. A friend just got terminated today simply without any good reason. Sigh. Sad for her. What can I do? Nothing but wishes all the best to her and learn from her to save my own ass here at d(h)ell.

Well, Aaron came to stay over at my place over the weekend as he was down in Pg for Cf camp. Glad to see him again and we were able to catch up on things. :) Had a fun time chatting with him. Well, the day didnt ended up so well, I actually wanted to bring him to see the nite life in Pg but then, I fell sick rite before dinner time. It all started with a chill and then a shiver. The shiver didnt stop for at least and hour and it was one of the worst experience I've had.

I couldnt take the shiver anymore cos I was having difficulty breathing and I called Cheryl to send me to teh doc. Aaron accompanied me as well, and he had to eat bread for dinner as I was not well enough to bring him makan. Really felt guilty about it. After taking my mediction, I fell asleep as I was having a temperature. Tevan called at 4.30 to chat and I was feeling better as the fever subsided.

The next day was better and we went to catch a movie in Bj as there was nothing to do. Was rather worried for my little bro. And it ache my heart to see him hurting. Guess we are in the same boat. Getting ourselves hurt over and over again even though we are aware of it but knowing the stubborn person tat I am, I am still holding unto the pain....Hmm, ever wondered a little cut hurts, but you wil keep on touching the wound just to feel the pain again..Ironic?

Well, I will start my week well this week. Nothing is going to screw my week, I dun care whether is QUeen of d(h)ell or who ever shit, Im going to have a good week.

Not a blue Monday

2005-04-11T12:53:00.000+08:00

My shift started at 6 am today and imagine I had to get up at 5 am. Yes, a person like me who is used to sleeping only at 5 am finds it so difficult to wake up. I asked Tevan to wake me up and his timing was so good, when the alarm rang, I received a sms from him. I washed up and it was freezing cold in the morning.

I was so groggy and couldnt hear nyself properly. Then, Shakila and I went to Jln Tengah to haev breakfast. Basically, I had a pleasant day at work. With 3 more hours to go, I'm so happy man. Hehehe, lets see what else I will do during the evening.

Yesterday, my church had a fundraising for the Youth camp.The youth sold Korean food and I helped in selling Kim Chi soup. It was good and I managed to sell the whole pot. Not bad heh. Then we out with Rowena for dinner and we proceeded to BJ as she bought a new pair of Scholl Flexiwear for Joshua. Not too bad. Hehe..

Talked to Tevan on the phone when I came back and alaso this morning..:)

I cant wait to finish work actually.Oh Yeah, stephanie's last day today. She bought us chocolates..Yummy..

My weekend

2005-04-11T12:09:00.000+08:00

My weekend was alrite and I spent it relaxing and doing nothing in particular.
I'm so used to waking up early and I just cant sleep through till afternoon. Hmm, maybe my room stil have no curtain yet.

Well, on Saturday, I went to uni hoping to get my degree letter and to my dimay, the clerkj refused to give me and asked me to come back on the 15. Told ehr my story and she said she will do it on Mon. I hope she has done it and I will go collect it after work. Then, went to service the motor and went for Vegetarian lunch with Sehley, my housemate. Didnt see him the whole week and was glad to be able to spend some time with him. Went shopping in Bj and realised he is a very shy person. He wont simply ask for price and it was funny to see his expression.

Saturday nite went to Tesco with Tevan. His bike had some problem and we spent more than half n hour trying to fix it. Being smart and logical, I managed to help him out a little..heheh...Perasan. Actually, didnt want to writ ethis down, but because Tevan mentioned that I will surely blog this down, so what the heck..:)

Oh yeah, we decided to cook dinner without a cooking stove as I;ve just settled in my new apartment. So we fried sausages in a tiny weeny rice cooker. We even fried sardine and also baked beans. WE toasted bread and had dinner at around 11.30 pm. Yummy, ate until so full and it was fun too...

Miss the baked beans so much til I went to buy one more can of it from Bj yesterday.

Galz day out

2005-04-07T15:39:00.000+08:00

I dated Chooi Fong and Adeline for makan yesterday and WenBy tagged along. Well, we had a good time chatting and eating at Jelutong. I tried the porridge there and it was good. :)
After that, we went to my house to check it out since the two of them have not seen it before. After a short tour, we ended up sitting in my room and chatted til 1.30 am. I had to say, alrite girls, I'm working tomorrow and let's call it a day.

There were so many juicy stories to hear especially coming from the comical Wenby. There were so many conflicts and love triangle. It was really sad and frustrating to hear. Well, Adeline, Chooi Fong and I had a good time laughing at the time we shared during our CA times and Cameron's mission trip. I also invited them over for a slumber party. But then, I can only do it on a weekend.:)

It has been a long time since I last had a girlie talk. Hmm, it was fun. I would rather have just the 3 of us. Cos its difficult to share things with Wenby as she is just a junior. :)

Adeline came up with a Master Students CG. Interesting idea..

The Alarm clock

2005-04-06T14:18:00.000+08:00

I fell asleep at about 2 am yesterday after dinner and supper with Tevan. I was awaken by a sms at 5.58 am and the sms read "Wake up and go and mandi la". I missed call to indicating yes, I am awake. Then, my house phone rang and I had to grab a blanket to wrap my semi naked condition to answer the call so I wont wake Shelley who was sleeping in his room. Argh, it was Tevan, waking me up. I told him in a very sleepy voice and said I will call him back in an hours time.

There, I climbed into my bed and pulled the blanket over and had my precious one hour of sleep. Woke up before my alarm rang and got ready in 7 mins. I received another sms at 7.01 asking me whether am I awake. Misscalled Tevan back and he called my house. We were just talking about his studies and suddenly I needed to chiibbaaboom...(my stomach hurts) And I said, I'll call u back in 3 mins.. I need to go..Faster faster.... (I will keep the details to myself :))

Oh yeah, I'm supposed to talk about my ride to work..Well, it takes me about 15-20 mins to ride to work. I will pass this stretch of coastal highway in a factory area. For those who knows your geography well, its in Bayan Lepas area. The coastal road is a long stretch with Pulau Jerejak as its main view and I'm like riding at the rim of the island. On a bright and sunny day, the sea glitters in various colours. Sometimes, I wish i can just stopm my bike and take a breather there, enjoying God's creation.

On rainy days, I was concentrating more on the slippery road rather than the sea. Hmm, you can see dark c;ouds hovering over the island and there are a few more small islands at the area. There is this particular stone which stood up above the rest. It looks like a small light house built on it. I am not sure what it is, but the thing jutting out abover the stone always caught my attention..:)

GEnerally, I do enjoy my ride to work, minus the congestion and rain..:)

Working still, and the time is passing so slowly. Ironic isnt it, when u are having fun, the time is simply so short..

My Ride to Work

2005-04-05T17:13:00.000+08:00

I've been wanting to write about my ride to work but have to put it off everytime. Today was a hectic day just like yesterday as I;ve got calls non stop. Anyway, its 20 mins before I log off, and thot about blogging in.

I ride to work on a motorcycle. It has been raining for the past two weeks and it was really hard for me to go home or go to work. Praise God for his mercy, cos the rain was not always tat heavy when i ride home Thank God for the rain coat that Tevan gave to me.
Hmm, just got a screw up customer..Logging off in 7 mins. So guess I will continue my blog tmrw..

It's Saturday and I am Working

2005-04-02T11:41:00.000+08:00

Yeah, u read it rite. I had to wake up at 6 in the morning for my 7 am shift. Had a long nite the nite before because it rained and Tevan couldnt go home. So he lepak in my house til about 4 am. And I was already exhausted, he had to ride back home in the rain. I feel so bad.

Well, I made so many blunders at work today. Passing wrong que and giving wrong info. Argh....
So frustrating... So many different kinda customers with different needs....and well, my brain not working today.Brain freeze already. SO freezing cold here..

Anyway, finally unpacked all my stuff in my new apartment. Phew, spent about 2 hours plus. Hehe, Tevan and I lepak in my room and thinking of ways to make my room more happening. He came out with a collage idea which we need to paste it on the ceiling...Hmm.. alot of work to be done. He also suggested getting a few more cabinets to put my books and tennis racquets..
Hmm, shall do some shopping today. Stil havent put up my curtain railing and i dun have a curtain yet.

Hmm, cant wait to go home and have a long sleep...a real long wan...

My Never Again List

2005-04-01T16:46:00.000+08:00

Never again will I confess "I can't" for "I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me." Philippians 4:13

Never again will I confess lack, for "my God shall supply all of my needs according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:19

Never again will I confess fear, for "God hath not given me the spirit of fear, but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind." II Timothy 1:7

Never again will I confess doubt and lack of faith, for "God hath given to every man the measure of faith." Romans 12:3

Never again will I confess weakness for "The Lord is the strength of my life." Psalm 27:1

Never again will I confess defeat, for "God always causeth me to triumph in Christ Jesus." II Corinthians 2:14

Never again will I confess lack of wisdom, for "christ Jesus is made unto me wisdom from God." I Corinthians 1:30

Never again will I confess worries and frustrations, for I am "casting all my cares upon Him who careth for me." I Peter 5;7

Never again will I confess condemnation, for "There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus." Romans 8:1

"Boulevard Of Broken Dreams"

2005-04-01T10:38:00.000+08:00

I walk a lonely road
The only one that I have ever known
Don't know where it goes
But it's home to me and I walk alone

I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams
Where the city sleeps
and I'm the only one and I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk aloneI walk a...

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone

Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Aaah-ah,
Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Ah-ah

I'm walking down the line
That divides me somewhere in my mind
On the border line
Of the edge and where I walk alone

Read between the lines
What's fucked up and everything's alright
Check my vital signs
To know I'm still alive and I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk a...

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me'
Til then I walk alone

Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Aaah-ahAh-ah,
Ah-ahI walk aloneI walk a...I

walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams
Where the city sleeps
And I'm the only one and I walk a...

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone...

In an Ice box

2005-03-31T11:43:00.000+08:00

Sitting here facing the slow pc of DEll (Dont buy them) and in the freezing, with my stomach growling for food and my bladder screaming to be emptied every half and hour is just not where you want to be at the moment. I read a collegue's blog and this what she said. "I live in an igloo called (d)hell." Super funny.

I cant feel my fingers now and my toes also suffer the same fate. Hmm, call rates are high today. Hmm, again I transfered my last belongings of 31C-10-7 to 29-24-3 yesterday with Rowena. Phew, the both of us took so long to figure out how to place my furniture. We tried a few ways and was not satisfied. Then, we went to pick up CHsia's pc from her studio and went for dinner in Jelutong.

I just finish my last bite of lunch which Naginder (my collegue) bought for me. Hmm, very lazy wanna go out, so here I am blogging and wanted to take a short rest. Too tiring already. So many calls..

Anyway, where was I. Oh yeah, moving house. Tevan came later and he helped me rearrange my room. It was frustrating at first. I didnt know he is such a genius. Hahah, I always thought I was the smarter one. Any how, we agreed with the present arrangement with the help og my creativity and genius mind as well. Hmm, now I am satisfied.

Oh, did I mentioned that I was pissed with Tevan because he was supposed to help me shift yesterday but didnt make it due to the rain? We postponed to Wednesday. When I called him before I left for work, he told me he will be free only after 10. He has a dinner appointment it seems. I was dissapointed. He has not even help me carry a single thing during my transition from one home to another. Sigh, yes talking about disappointment.

Gave him the cold shoulders the whole time. Threw some of my clothes for him to hang and he was so cute, trying to 'pujuk' me. And me, being mean and heartless (which is totally not me, yeah rite:) ) didnt layan him so much. Just continue unpacking and carried the heavy boxes. Hehe, he just lie down on me and say come la...let's go for a drink.

And being sweet and nice, I went with him to kayu. I too lazy to merajuk...And we were just having our usual chat...which is never ending and never out of topic kinda chat..he told me about his ex gf..hehe...Oh yeah, he had dinner with his crush, Trinny. And well, tat was how the story of his ex begun..:)

It was interesting but I could hardly keep my eyes open..I had to tell him, hey lets go back. I am tired..

So tats all for the nite..

I have no time to lepak and dun have the stamina already..I need a life...Pls dun start work so soon...It sucks....minus the pay of course...

SunRise

2005-03-30T16:16:00.000+08:00

I had a tough nite last nite. No. not that Pg has earthquake, it just that I rode hom in the heavy rain and congested road. It was my first time riding in the rain. Tiring and taxing. I went back to my new apartment and saw the mess. Argh.!!! Then my owner called and I had to rush back to my old apartment. I was so tired and had to entertain him. Took a quick shower and went back to new apartment and put my bag. Guess what?!! I forgot to bring my new apartment key and i had to put my bags outside the door. And there I go again back to my old apartment, took my fan and pillows. I was on my motor..Argh..I need a car. Give me a car LORD>!!!! hehehe..Desperate..

Anyhow, waited for another person to come see the old house. Packed Char keow tiaw, and ate at my old house. Went acbk to new apartment, and rearrange all the furniture. Took a shower. Put on the bedsheet and fell asleep. Slept aroubd 10.40pm. Tevan sms me asked me to go bowling at bj at aroaund 10. I was pissed...He was supposed to come adn help me out, but due to the rain in the evening, he didnt come..And he went bowling later with friends.

No matter how close you are with the person, u just cant haev too much of an expectation. I told myself not to be so petty, but then again, I was exhausted and was not in a good mood. So i sms him a kurang ajar sms..AS usual, whenever I'm angry, he just wont do anyth. Guys are so good with that. Damn.

Anyway, I woke up around 4 am cos I was shivering, off my room light and pulled the blanket over and fell asleep til my alarm rang. Off to work. I was greeted with a paranomic view of the penang bridge and to my surprise, I actually saw the sun rising. So cool. Wished I had a digi cam. I want a DIGI cam also Lord. (Hehe, thank God HE loves me for who I am)....
Oh yeah, i live on the 24th floor and second highest level of the apartment. Hmm, it has been raining these days, cant try out the pool.

I need to go home and transfer a few more things in my house. I hope this will be last tranfering of stuff. Im sick of shifting and packing. Guess I will spend my weekend unpacking my stuff..

MY new room is so nice..The slackes part of the whole place is the leift is super slow..

I want to go home..Still 1 hour and 15 more minutes to go before 6pm.

My day at work

2005-03-28T16:18:00.000+08:00

I dont know why on Mondays, you will just feel extra crappy, extra moody, and extra not enough of sleep....argh...Monday blues they call it. How come all the good news only comes on a Fri and very seldom do u receive any good news on a Mon..Or a pay increament tat kinda thing.

My job is so bored and I am thankful that I'm going to be here temporarily only. I dont think I can survive too long in here. Its only my 2 week of work, and I already feel like packing my bag and rather sell nasi lemak on the road side.. (hmm, i wonder how much can i make)

Getting the headache..I think I'm over bored..My cubicle has 2 person only. Just me and Kevin. Naginder and Ching Ching on leave..And there is no one to talk too. Thank God for mns. At least I made two friends today. Joanne and Shakira.

Argh, counting my time to go back..There are so much to do....Need to unpacked some more and carry more stuff to my new place..
Cant wait to stay there actually.

Miss my mommy, dadddy, sisters and of course my doggies back home..thinking of rearing some fishes....hmmm wat do u say????

Good Friday

2005-03-25T12:46:00.000+08:00

I started my day well, with more than enough of sleep the previous nite. I took Panadol menstrual to ease my monthly torture and phew, woke up at 6 am. Got ready and went to work. Everyone is in a good mood today because boss declared half day off due to the public holiday in Australia and NEw Zealand. The call rates today is low and we have a lot of time to chat and talk, and I even spent some time reading..

Called Tevan and wanted to give him a wake up call. Shucks, he was awake already. This whole week I've failed to disturb his sleep. Better luck tmrw maybe..Hehe, anyway, will be meeting up with him for supper.

Planned with sheley to go to our new apartment and cleaned the place up. I'm keen to do it so i can transfer my stuff from my old house over...Cant wait to have my own room..

My mum called to tell me something shocking and suprising. She said my dad might get me a new car. Fuyoo..I'm estatic. Of course, I didnt show any excitement to my mum. Hmm, even at a very young age, I'm so use dot empty promises and I still dont wnat to put much hope in it. But I put my trust in my heavenly Father as HE is a God who cannot lie. And HE doesnt dissapoint. Whether I get a car or not, I will still be contented with what my Daddy has already blessed me with.

To my daddy, I thank you for sending me the best-est gift of all....Jesus, to die on the cross for me and everyone else in the world.

Thank you Jesus.

Cheers

2005-03-23T14:51:00.000+08:00

I've not been an avid blogger due to no internet connection in my home. Well, I hope to blog in as frequent as I can from now onwards since I'm working in Dell and I've got a pc to my own and can access to the net during my working hours.

Hmm, where should I begin. Let me start from uni.
Well, if u have noticed, the time before I actually finish uni was one of the most shallow moments in my life. I guess, its another transition period for me and its really tough now as every decision u make now, u'll have to face your own consequences. There is no one guiding you as u are "Adult" enough to have a say.

Hmm, its rather hard choosing between studying and working. A big part say, u need the money. And another part of me saying, hey, ur desire is to study some more..Phew, a lot of thinking was done and well, was rather emotional for the past few months. My deepest apologies for those who has to bear with my mood swings and intolerable attitudes. Thank you for caring and loving me just as i am and correct me when necessary...(Mr. Poseidon...thanks alot)

Wat else, I'm currently working Dell temporarily for a few months till I get a place to continue my master in Screen Studies in USm. The next intake will be in July. I hope to save up some money to pay my school fees and of course to get myself a laptop. SOmething which i've just thought about. Pls pray alongside with me for me to get a laptop. Need it for my studies.

Shifting to a new place soon and there are lots to do. The cleaning up of both old and new apartments. Then logistics. Then redecorating and etc. Phew..With 10 hours of working everyday, there is not much energy left. No time even to think what should I do for the next day.

Its sure been fun again, blogging...hehe...i know i;ve been long winded...do bear with me..

Losing it

2005-01-22T14:37:00.000+08:00

Been some time since I last blog.
As time goes by, my fatith is diminshing. Went to church for a seminar yesterday and phew, cpuldnt sit there for an hour. When home half way through. It just feel so crappy. I think the feeling of guilt, unworthiness all came over me and I just cant be in the presence of Christians.

Shucks. I have lost the passion to be with God. And deep down inside me, I know I need him and even desire Him. But, something is stoping me. I feel so damn crappy and useless and I am beginning to loose my identity. Losing of what i had become and becoming a different person.

I do not blame anyone but myself. The expectations I had on others, and when they dissapoint me or even hurt me, there goes another wound that adds up and make me build more walls around me. I am phobia to expectaions now. whatever anyone expects me to do, i just cant perform anymore and dont want to do it. Aargh, graduating soon and its scarying me. I am not ready to go out. I am not ready to go anywhere.

If anyone is reading this, say a prayer for me...

got my nose pierced

2005-01-22T14:35:00.000+08:00

When to Gurney Plaza all dressed up with my
fellow girl frens - Chin Hsia, Amanda and Cheryl
yesterday to celebrate's Chin Hsia's birthday.

They were telling me to buy more accessories for
myself to beautify myself. Anyway, asked Amanda
whethere she wanted to get her nose pierced? We
shook hand after she thought about it for a few
seconds.

After shopping for some clothes, Cheryl has to see
a shop with the sign Nose and Ear Piercing.
Shucks!! No turning back now.I was the first to get
my nose pierced after loosing 'paper, scissors,
stone' to Amanda. Phew. The pain just went tru ur
nose...and tears just formed in your eyes.

Now, there is this little stud sticking on ur nose
and it's blocking ur vision.Hahaha, y in the world
did i do it????? Not regretiing.. Just the irritating
pain on not being able to wash ur face properly or
even blow my freaking nose pisses me
off...hahahha..(To those who know me, i blow my
nose all the time, esp in the morn)

In a rather melancholic mood, so just entertaining
myself with this story....My nose still hurts..

I am normal

2004-12-29T22:35:00.000+08:00

As I browse through Mike's blog in xanga http://www.xanga.com/home.aspx?user=micwill, I realised that I am normal. That I can question God in times of doubt, and well, living a Christian life and believing in a God is so difficult sometimes. I am glad, I went through I did, knowing and questioning a God whom despite all unbelief still believes and take interest in me.

Well, FES has indeed imparted something in my life. I am touched by the way they reaches out to the students in a personal way. They see us students as friends, and not some follower uper style which made the students feel inferior. And well, I personally befriended Michael William, Annette and Yoke Yee. I am sure they are genuinely concern about me when I talk to them. So, i will never hesitate to give them a call or when I am in need of a hearing ear, they will be first on my list.

Just want to thank each one of them who has invested their lives in us, students.
Love u guys much

Coming to an end

2004-12-29T22:21:00.000+08:00

Time seems to fly as 2005 is approaching. As I sit here in the cc, while waiting for Cheryl and Jess, thinking to myself, boy it has been ages since I last blog. My blog page looks so blank compared to Aaron's and Andrew's. Must get the guys to teach me on how to beautify my page.

For the past 2 months has been rather a tough month for me to go trough. The thot of graduating in 2 more months scares the hell out of me. It felt like yesterday when I first step foot in USM. Now, Its time for me to go and leave my students life. Argh, how I wished, I;ve not skipped that many classes. Joined more activities, get to knoe more friends and well just enjoy uni life.

Some people has asked me, what have I impacted in the lives of others in my 3 years stay in PG. I couldnt really answer. I guess, i left them with the beauty of sign language. Besides that, I'm also a frank and straight forward person. I left them with this bubbly character and the contagious laughter of mine.

As I am writing this, my heart is heavy and filled with sadness as I know, all this will haev to go.there is a season and time for eevrything. The friends I've met, the things ive done. I will never trade anytth for this experience.

Hmm.....I am definately gonna miss my time here.

Lord, I know that you will direct each step that I take. I pray that you will lead me and guide me....In you i out my trust and my future.

mission trip

2004-10-30T14:13:00.000+08:00

Greetings from Melaka,
The 11 of us are settled in Melaka and everything has been going on smoothly. Waiting for Samuel to come tmrw nite. First testimony to share, 7 of us do not have passport and we needed to make group passport. When we went to the immigration office on Friday morning, after finishing camp in camerons, we were shocked to find out that we neeed 5 working days to get the group passport done. Phew, imagine our dissapointment. If we make individual it will only take 2 days, tat is we can collect it the next day. Imagine 7 x Rm 300=RM 2100.. It doesnt make sense.. and it cost RM 200 only for group passport. We decided to take the risk and went ahead with making the passport.
Then, after much persuasion to the officers, they stil tak layan us. Shen Yee and Chooi FOong went to speak to the assistant pengarah and he asked us to write an appeal letter. Rushed aback to my church and type a letter. SHen Yee and I wnet back ti immigration office and went to see PEngarah straight. He scolded us la..And he told us he can only give us one day earlier...tats its on Tuesday..Phew..Wat difference does it make.We plan to leave on Monday. Then the assistant Pengarah came and said, its ok, they came earlier..Give them on Monday..So he said we were lucky to meet the assistant. Both Shen Yee adn I were excited and relieved. Yet God surprised us even more. THe assistant asked us to wait for 5 mins and he gave us the group passport on the spot. We were amazed how God works.. Heheh, we not only dun have to go back to immigration office but we got it straight..
This is the first testimony. It's not going to be the last and tat I am sure..:)
Please keep us all in prayers. Even as the group members trying to live and get to know each other is not easy. Pray for protection and may GOd use us to touch ppl, set captives free, and most of all know the Love of Christ.
Our motto or theme for this mision trip is EXPECT THE UNEXPECTED.
Nov 1- Nov 5 we will be in Dumai...
At His service,
Elina Goh

Sleeping too much

2004-10-17T20:41:00.000+08:00

My face has been bloated and all my engine in my body seems to be in a hibernating mode. A once active going girl, suddenly became so passive and its so weird la.:)
Anyway, been over sleeping and my sleeping time is so chaotic I shall say..:) Haha, becoming the creature of the nite and sleep in the day time.. No matter how much u sleep in the day time, u dun seem to be able to catch up on your sleep..I wonder why?

Now looking and scanning tru my notes for my exam paper tmrw and I am so not preapred. Guess, as time goes by, exam adn grades doent seem important to u anymore..

Well, I slept at 6 am in the morn last nite, chatting with Teavn and well, we always have deep conversation and it was good. Had vegetarian CharHo fun and we were just talking about our fears, our struggles and basically, all the crap we went through.. Good conversation.

Another thing my friend Aaron said to me was very sweet and I can remember till today..:) Thanks Aaron for loving me the way I am..
Alrite, got a mission trip meeting and briefing soon. Just killing some time here. I miss home and my doggies..Alot..

Boring Week

2004-10-12T21:51:00.000+08:00

My study week has just gone like that with me sleeping my life away. Literaly, I slept my life away. Sleep about 2 am and wake up like 4 pm. And sleep again at 6pm and wake up at 8 pm. Its been like tat since one week ago.. Yes, I am getting rounder and so not productive. M Not studying like I need to.

Guess my rajinness of this sem just crumbled at the end of the sem la. Darn..:)
Well, hope to be cathing up with my studies soon, if not will have to extend my course whcih means i will not graduate like the rest of my friends..

Super bored still. Sleep til i have headache

No strength tp go on

2004-10-09T16:59:00.000+08:00

Sometimes I feel that I've got no strength to carry on anymore. Not even say a word of prayer for my sister, my family and those around me. I feel like hopeless case whcih God has wasted so much time and effort on. And look at me, rotting away with the little hope that I've left.

Got an sms from Ed asking me to pray for my sister as she was angry with my parents. I dunno what is going on back home and I rather not know sometimes. The cross and burden that I'm called to carry is too much to bear and many a time I just feel like giving up. And yet, the thing inside me said. No!!! Not Yet, Another Mile Maybe.

These few days with the peace and quiet I had, cos most of my housemates went back to their hometown n left me alone with Jess who is always in her room. Is it worth the pain and hurt I go through everytime I receive a bad news? Everyttime when I think I am heading the rite way, and there it goes..Wham..!! another bad news coming ur way...

People are expecting me to do someht about it..My sister, family and all..All the expectation ppl set on me..I dun think I can handle it anymore..I am going bonkers..If u happen to read this, pls say a prayer for me, cos i can mutter a word of prayer...

Sunday

2004-09-26T16:57:00.000+08:00

Its Sunday and well, wish I could just sleep for hours....But Chin Hsia had to wake me up cos she is so clumsy when she wakes up in the morning..:) Hahahah...she tripped on me... ARGGHHHH

Well, many things had happened tru out the week..Like I lost my stupid short story and i cant find it...The best part of it is that i have to pass up on Thursday...CRap...

Ok la.Tevan is giving me the look now..better get of his pc...or else he will skin me alive...hahahah

Elina Is the Cutest Still!!!!!!

Tevan

2004-09-21T23:37:00.000+08:00

I have not been this happy in a long time.
I want to write about my friend Tevan whom I've got to know
through Cheryl and well, he has been a blessing to me personally.
Tevan and I share a deep friendship and we have been open and
honest to each other since day one.

Well, what he has taught me in the friendship is that physical appearance
is not the only thing a guy looks for. Yes, i noe this in theory but have not
seen it in practical. He has shown me that physicall beauty is not everything.
It has been a great adventure for us cos we are learning so much from each other.
The things we do, and of course the things we talked about, it has always benefited
me.

Hmm, just wanted to do a write up on Tevan and the friendship that I share with him
I also want to remember the mountain metophorical theory he said about me.
My times in Penang will never be the same without Tevan..
:)

I want to grow old with you

2004-09-18T01:05:00.000+08:00

I Want To Grow Old With You

I wanna make you smile,
Whenever you're sad, Carry you around
When you're arthritis is bad
All I wanna do, Is grow old with you
I'll get you're medicine,
When you're tummy aches,
Build you a fire I
f the furnace breaks
Oh, it could be so nice,
Growin' old with you
I'll miss you, Kiss you,
Give you my coat
When you are cold
I'll need you, Feed you,
Even let you hold
The remote control
So let me do the dishes
In our kitchen sink,
Put you to bed
When you've had
too much to drink

Ohhhh, I could be the man,
Who grows old with you
I wanna grow old with you

Angelica

2004-09-13T22:59:00.000+08:00

I have not written about Angelica Eshwarie Smith, my God daughter. Yes, she is 8 months old and I am missing her.

Being a cutie, she looks like the Michellin logo..Remember the white Tyre Guy with a lot of layers? that's Angel with all her baby fats all over..Hahah..So cute..

Hmm, I am not sure how to bring uo my god-daughter and I hope to be the best example to her. Well, with God's grace, I do hope i will have a fantastic relationship with her. As a friend, a god-mum and of course a person she can trust and depend on at all times..

I miss you Angel..:)

A rather Quiet day

2004-09-13T22:51:00.000+08:00

Today has been a rather quiet there. It all started at 1 pm where I had my creative writting test. So the whole class was quiet and no one said a word or else we will get the stare from Robert Raymer my lecturer.

Then the next class was cinematography...Two groups did presentation on Jean-Luc Godard's A woman is a woman movie. Yeah, everyone was quiet cos the presentation was really boring. That's the end of the whole day's class.

Went for tennis with Jess-Mim and it started to rain. We couldnt continue and left for home. After mandi, we went for dinner. Then, the whole house is quiet now cos Tevan and Geeta are not here in my apartment. Cheryl is out for meeting again and Chin Hsia is forever taking her beauty sleep. Jess mim in her secluded room and left me all alone in the hall...listening to WOW worship and just enjoying the peace and quiet around here..

Now, I am beginning to realize the importance of good frens in your life. I used to think that ppl just take u for granted at times....but I praise God for giving me so many good friends in my life to love me, rebuke me, teach me, encourage me, and for me to run too.....Thank you for Friends Lord..:)

Saturday

2004-09-11T16:01:00.000+08:00

I slept at 5 am last nite, just chatting with room mate. Well, when I woke up at 1 pm this afternoon, no one was home except Cherly who is sleeping. She just left the house for practise.

Here I am home alone with the cd playing on the pc. Actually, I do enjoy the peace and quiet sometimes..Despite being a Saturday, I am fine staying at home and maybe i am getting older..hehe....not much of going out these days..Just sit at home and watch some DVDs.:)

Hmm, I am working on a short story which I need to hand in on Mon. Hehe, just started and it's not even one page...Too lazy to continue and here I am blogging away.

I am not sure how many actually reads my blog and its also not my intention for ppl to read it..I just write and I guess I am better in expressing myself in writing..:)

Yeah, in one of my moods again...the thing of being alone sometimes...makes u like this...

:) Saturday nite....watching PAssion of Christ in the cinema later...dunno how my fren got the ticket but i am going anyway...
Cioaz